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Moroseness unlimited…

I lost my father. Then I had to give up my job. I was humiliated and sidelined and the organization I worked for was indeed doing little value addition. Then my wife decided to leave me. We separated. In the process I also lost a beautiful house built on the hills with so much passion, hope and dreams together. I lost the entire eco system - literal and social. Later I lost both my dogs too. They were intensely soulful creatures who grew with us and so central in our relationship. But i bear no ill will towards my ex - just shame and guilt that I couldn’t take good care of her and couldn’t afford much meaning to her. Last year i lost my mother. Not that we were very close and we got along too well but still my long visits to her home located in rich sylvan surroundings and warm caretakers was lost too. Most of friends and acquaintances disappeared as well. Kins were too self opinionated and who constantly invalidated my grief and indeed always belittled my ‘being’ for long even before my life took the turn for the worse. Except for an old uncle of mine i don’t feel like seeking out an extended family psychologically illiterate and shorn of aesthetic and cultural capital and too caught in their self righteousness.

Acute uprootedness, loneliness, emotional exhaustion hollows and wrings you out. That i’m much late in my adulthood and almost going to be an ‘elder’ makes matters more shameful. I live alone (have no siblings either let alone kids) with my new daschund just doing what little needed to keep me going - cooking, gardening, reading and blogging. I manage to do some art work too. Medicines seem to wearing off in its effect to keep me sane and counseling too over so many years barely of little help anymore.

The overwhelming failures and setbacks all my life and so repeated despite being well qualified, well read, and contributed so much to my work domain (again all painfully unrecognised) affects me to the extent that suicidal thoughts are always at the top of my mind. The misery, dismay, shock of how horribly matters have gone wrong, having been cheated by people, circumstances and I dare say by Gods themselves surges and spikes in waves choking you, reducing you to complete tears and feeling crushed. i’m completely invisible and destitute today and making each day is a painful and exhausting struggle. It’s bad faith that still prevents me doing the inevitable. #SuicidalIdeation #Loneliness #Shame #Guilt #miseryofliving #Grief

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What’s your name? #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Hope #Shame #MentalHealth

What’s your name? People and life might try and call you many names. Names like, forgotten, broken, damaged or unworthy. They are not your names. Your name is also not hopeless, too much, victim or unwanted.

Your name is “precious, worthy, loved and unique “. You are a work in progress whose time to shine will come. You are not just a survivor but a thriver. You are not alone. You matter. Call the negative labels out for what they are, lies.

Hope calls your name!

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#dailyBread #MentalHealth from #Depression #Anxiety #Guilt #Shame

From my neck of the woods, I say happy Sunday evening! I hope our week will carry us to greater depths of the knowledge of God. May he allow us to focus on our “daily bread,” or our daily nutritional substance, and not attempt to figure out the following day’s needs.

This day started with me petitioning God for wisdom concerning a friend’s health. Hours later, I learned the person left this earth hours before my request was made known to our Lord. I am content. He knows all things. Healing does not require my stamp of approval from a learned societal (earthly) throne room position.

A surrendered life allows the Lord to be Lord, in all things.

Even if understanding is limited and out of reach, God is faithful to hear those petitions for wisdom as well. He is interested in us trusting him with our naked shame, which we often believe we must cover ourselves from BEFORE walking with the Father. Not so. That is a result of “the fall” that drops us from the closeness of our relational Creator, The Lord God Almighty.❤️

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How to cope when you have a disability/ mental health and are unemployed?

How to not feel like a loser/ worthless not being able to contribute as a member to society; and fill your time, I try to volunteer or make up for it, but sometimes I compare myself to other people my age and feel pathetic :( I want to be kind to myself while working to change my life. #unemployed #Work #Student #Shame #tough #sad #Comparison #Anxiety #Depression #help #Support

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How to accept your mental health?

When you struggle to accept it as a part of you and want to push it away, be someone who isn’t anxiety prone or depressive prone but also how to accept it or be self compassionate even when it’s hard? #Anxiety #Shame #Barriers #struggles #Advice #TheMighty #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Support

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Any tips for accepting your Anxiety?

Sometimes I get nice breaks from anxiety and everything is smooth sailing ⛵️ but other times it comes back and is a constant nuisance wether it’s physical symptoms or just mental and that voice in my head trying to sabotage me. Any tips for when you find anxiety makes you feel dumb and silly for struggling with it? Sometimes it can be the smallest of things and it makes you feel shame vulnerable and stigma. #Anxiety #help #struggling #Support #ideas #coping #Shame #Stigma #mighty #TheMighty #MightyTogether

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Vent on fears, depression, shame #Fear #Depression #Shame #Cancer #HealthCare #money #Aging

Trying to sleep Friday night on the couch so I can cry. worried my body is failing and so is my cancer treatment. Muscles and joints are stiff. Feel like ive aged10 years in last 6 months. Tired, mentally and physically. If I keep going until AprilI am told I can retire with full medicl benefits. Supposedly. I do not trust HR or my retirement management group. I fear my job, medical plan,and health, all ending within the first 6 months of 2024

I am going to try and sleep.
Reading Howl's Moving Castle.
Identifying with the heroine Sophie, who was enchanted https://to.turn into an old woman.

Gnight

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