selfdisgust

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#CPTSD and my body

I look like I put a bit more effort into my appearance today, but I don't like my body. I don't like getting dressed; I don't like washing myself; I don't like brushing my teeth or hair. I look at my face in the mirror and wish I could just erase it, wipe it away with the fog after showering. I see my body reflected in a glass window and wish I could disappear. I don't know how to get away from the disgust that I've known since childhood. I try to compartmentalize and think of my body and my thoughts as entirely different entities. At least then I don't have to stay aware of how I feel and think about myself. If I dissociate enough, I can get through hygiene and dressing. If I can't disconnect from myself enough to take care of hygiene, I'll just disconnect from people and keep myself secluded. #Dissociation #SexualTrauma #selfdisgust