dissociation

The hardest part for me is relying on medication. I take anxiety meds, and they alleviate symptoms. I’m not really sure how. I’ve been dissociating slightly, and while sometimes enjoyable, it’s best not to have too often.

My dissociation is slight, mostly. I become the characters of my stories, and they become me. Sometimes this is enjoyable, being so close to my characters. It’s almost like we’re hanging out together!

But it can be hell, too. I am lucid most of the time throughout this experience. How it is, is like this. Imagine yourself, even though you cannot see yourself fully. You cannot see your own eyes, your face. But you visualize what they look like. Now, if you dissociate like I do, you are now someone else. That visualization of yourself is gone, and now it is someone else. When I demonstrate this example, I often like to describe the character as a dogman.

This dogman is named MJ, from my brother’s dog. He’s a good pupper, a golden retriever that is the most playful, well behaved little mutt you’ll ever find.

Now MJ is you.

He’s under your skin, your skin is now fur. He’s great to have around, and is so fun. Do not be alarmed that you are MJ.

But MJ is with you, as you are lucid.

This dogman takes over your actions, any action you do, is now the dog’s. But the dog is friendly, and plays with you instead. Dance and sing with the dog, he likes it.

But doesn’t your own sense of self seem slightly distorted? Faded? Watered down?

I know mine does when this happens.

Instead of myself, I am many people. And when a bad one gets in the room, for example… the Devil, the party goes quiet.

And he is never very nice.

Being you.

Around you.

Causing you harm.

But MJ scares him away.

This is the dissociation of a schizophrenic. Not everyone has this. Not even every schizophrenic. I know I didn’t before until my symptoms progressed. Some people have it worse, and do not understand it is happening. This other person takes over, and you are gone.

So be kind to yourself, and accentuate your sense of self.

My medication helps reduce dissociation.

So always keep stocked on the brand you need, as I will be doing soon.

#Dissociation

#Schizophrenia

When I wake up in the morning, things in my head feel quiet. If I sit quietly, there are one or two voices, making plans or deciding how we feel.

Through out the day, it is almost as if the rest of the parts awaken at will, or when triggered, and then continue milling about cluttering up the headspace.

By the time I'm ready to go to bed, it's like a cacophony of voices I can no longer distinguish between, inducing emotions I can no longer effectively cope with, because all my thoughts are being hijacked by what feels like hundreds of separate thought patterns.

When I'm doing well, I feel like we've integrated to a large degree and I can focus on general recovery stuff. When I'm not doing well, I don't know what the fuck to do with all this dissociation. It's too fast and confusing and ends up just feeling like anxiety and panic, and it's impossible to communicate with others because most of my parts have never communicated with other humans before. Humans are unsafe! Even though I've found some people I now label as "safe", the parts are not convinced.

If anyone experiencing DID has any tips for me, they are welcome. ❤

#MentalHealth #DissociationDisorders #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Dissociation #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Agoraphobia

to sum it up, my therapy homework this week was to not push down emotions, feel them, and work on self acceptance and compassion etc etc.

i tried too hard during a very difficult week and i am now that dotted face emoji.

i would be content staring at the ceiling right now but time goes by too slowly.

i’m sleeping as much as i can but my body doesn’t need much sleep and i suffer from chronic pain that really gets bad when i sleep because i can’t seem to sleep in a proper position.

this was supposed to be a long story short.

so what do you do when you don’t feel anything for anything but you’re not exactly interested at counting the minutes until bed time. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Dissociation #whereami

I am likely going to lose my beloved cat today, who is my once-in-a-lifetime pet. The second love of my life, next to my husband. I know I need to allow myself to feel the grief but I can already feel myself trying to stuff it down like I’ve been trained to do all of my life. I am early in my DBT practice and using what I’ve learned so far but I am not sure how to stop the stuffing that I can already tell is taking place. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #DBT #Grief #Dissociation

People focus a lot on the panic and emotion. But many don’t realizing emotional blunting and dissociation are common PTSD symptoms.

Emotional blunting is a form of dissociation where you detach yourself from your experiences and go numb so you don’t freak out. It was the first PTSD symptom my therapist noticed. I sat there relaying my life and she said, “has anyone ever told you you have emotional blunting?” I’m like wha? What’s that? “You talk about such horrifying experiences but your face is completely blank and your voice is monotone.

You know how DID is caused by dissociating so hard you split into two people? Well emotional blunting is a step between that and daydreaming. You’ve checked yourself out. And just as DID exists to protect the main person from pain so does emotional blunting.

It’s often seen in young abused kids in photographs where they look blank, no smile, no lit up eyes, but not sad either. Just like they’ve been zombified or reluctantly have submitted to their fate.

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #bluntingeffect #flateffect #Dissociation

My therapist keeps messing with the schedule and missing my appointments and it’s I’m getting too dissociated and upset and getting terrible feelings and ideation and feeling so hurt. Each time my reaction is worse and I cry harder sleep less , feel more worthless, feel more broken and unable to recover, trust him less, feel tricked he’s doing it on purpose to hurt me.

I don’t know how to recover from this 3rd time in a month and it is the year anniversary of him unilaterally making a decision with no collaboration reducing my sessions without any discussion and just telling me.

I’m at the mercy of whatever and it’s not safe anymore but I have no other therapist and he’s been mine for 4.5 years.

Sorry. Forgot to put this in the previous post. I have been having flashbacks and dissociating a lot more. I know it's a part of #PTSD but I want to stop. It has been suggested that I try guided imagery but besides that, what can I do? I know dissociating is a trauma response but it's been getting in the way. #PTSD #Abuse #Dissociation

#Dissociation #Amnesia #Abuse #neglect
#self harm#alters #insiders #littles
#Therapy #Healing