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Dissociation & grieving process

For the past few years, I dreaded Jan 24th/Jan 25 - these mark the anniversary of my biggest loss; one event 5 years ago that kept giving more things to grieve as each year passed following.
This year was different though - I didn’t remember those dates for that event, but in the weeks leading up, I felt more drained, fatigued, and depressed. Usually I realize why when Jan 24/25 arrives. Instead, I jammed packed those 2 days with tasks/chores/errands. And was relatively dissociated from what those dates mean to me and my body.

If it weren’t for a prompt in one of the Mighty groups about reflecting on 5years ago vs today, I would have carried on today as well as if my body was just more painful and sluggish for some unknown reason or the weather.
But it clicked in my head & I realized my body recognized even if my brain didn’t want to connect. While it feels like this would be progress, it feels more dissociative at this time - my body remembered & still feels the grief. Old wounds feel fresh during this timeframe. And I supposed it’s good that I have my weekly therapy session later today when having this newer grieving experience.

I’m still wondering though if this is really still me holding grief or if this is more related to my PTSD from this event?
I don’t expect anyone to have the answers - but I wanted to share my thoughts before I resume this disconnection to get my day started.

**Edit & Update: My amazing therapist helped me identify exactly how I’ve been feeling and I am actually making progress in healing vs dissociating. It just was a new weird & unfamilar experience; I had not felt anything like this in years, if ever, and the closest I could identify it at first was it being as some level of dissociation. **

#MentalHealth #GriefIsntLinear #PTSD #Depression #Grief #Dissociation

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lack of sense of self

I feel like I'm a tired shell who knows and recognizes what is around but has no wires attaching it to the surrounding.

I'm numb.

I interact with other people, but I feel like I'm not in my body. It doesn't mean I'm somewhere else. I just am not?
I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'm sure I'm very tired.

Does it happen to you to feel detached?
Or more detached when tired?

It happens very often to me but it seems that being tired stresses me too much.

#numbness #Identity #BPD #Dissociation #Depersonalization

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Hello everyone, I'm just wondering if anyone has any skills they could share for coping with #Dissociation as a symptom of complex #Trauma . I've been in a dissociative state all day, and I think I am usually every day but for some reason I'm noticing it a lot today. I feel like time is jumping on me and everytime I look at the clock, hours have past that I don't really recall having happened. I don't know what's triggering it but I just feel like I'm not in my body, like things are just happening around me but I'm not really here.

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The selfish orb (short story about putting yourself first)

This is a short story kinda about putting yourself first I don't know if I'm meant to put up story's here let me know if I need to take it down.

Application denied it's like they didn't even try to understand. I pick up the phone and request a teleporter come to come talk to me.

"It's absolutely ridiculous" he ranted before I could talk. "orb's are meant to help others not themselves.
You can have any power a human could want and you chose this?" I nod slightly annoyed as I had chosen this for a reason.

I had that look on the one that said you idiot. "I can add more powers later in life" I say "however right now this is what I need."

"BB-But" he spluttered, " you could really help other people."

I lose my temper now, snapping "look at me! In this hospital I can't leave this bed. Now tell me what use am I with strong powers if I can not leave this bed!"

He opens his mouth "ehh ehh excuse me one minute I just got too" … he teleports. Not long after I get an emailed apology and a successful application for a health boost.

#Depression #Autism #learningdisability #functionalneurologicaldisorder #goldenharsyndrome #ADHD #PTSD #Anxiety #Dissociation #ChronicPain #basilarinvagination (Basilar Invagination problem with spine and neck)

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Hello I'm new

Hello I'm new. I'm also new to Socialising in general so I'm really anxious. I have a very secluded life and I am lonely. I look falword to makeing a fool of myself as I get used to the world of Socialising 🤣. I may get a fue things wrong and please let me know as I do so. My problems include the following #Depression #Autism #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #GoldenharSyndrome #ADHD #PTSD #Anxiety #Dissociation #BasilarInvagination (Basilar Invagination problem with spine and neck)

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'I'm addicted to my toxic ex' - A Long Rant

I share a trauma bond with my ex.....whom i broke up with twice already and now we're 'friends'. Even my friends have noticed and told me that i look drained every time i come back from meeting him. I start isolatinf myself and after a week of on and off staying over at his place, the day he left the city, i came back to my room and had a full blown hour long anxiety attack.
During the relationship, he would be all cute and ask me to buy him gifts, and keep them a surprise. I asked for gifts too, something small enough to carry around with me. Something that would remind me of him and help me ground myself.
After the break up, i have started giving my more gifts, buying randoms things for myself and asking him if he wants them. Today I asked him to order me dinner and surprise me. He was too tired to order me food and said he'll send me the money so i can order anything i want. I said no and added on (that he texted to me later) - "Oh yeah right you don't believe in gifts and gestures". Last night i realised i don't need gifts from him to feel appreciated and i apologised and called myself 'petty' for continuously asking for gifts (which i have still not gotten, NO GIFT IN OUR 9 MONTH LONG RELATIONSHIP).

My self esteem made me defend myself on how his taunt and blame are hurtful. I stood my ground and yet when the conversation ended, i had this intense fear and pain in my chest. I can't stop crying, I'm ducking angry and scared of him at the same time, yet i crave his kindness, validation and time. I keep going back. My therapist specifically told me not to be in contact with him, told me how and what aspects of my life he's affecting (negatively).

And yet i go back. A week, two weeks, three weeks of silence, withdrawal hits, i open my phone and type in his number. I'm so tired of this cyclical emotional abuse.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #Depression #Anxiety #Dissociation

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Dissociation In Six Parts

1. I’m standing in my elementary school bathroom,

Staring into the mirror;

When I first become


2. Seated in the waiting room of a Boston law office,

My father in a meeting,

I stare at a large landscape painting on the wall.

Suddenly I’m falling

through the frame.

I’m twelve.

3. It’s summertime in the Hamptons.

I go to kiss my father goodnight

But I don’t recognize his face —

features distorted and grotesque.

I say nothing, ruminate in bed.

I’m thirteen.

4. I’m age nineteen-almost-twenty,

Recently released from the psychiatric ward,

Out to dinner with friends.

Their voices are far away and echoing,

Then much too loud.

Something is wrong,

Something is wrong,

I have to go home —

Dad says, You’re okay, it was a panic attack.

Go lie down.

5. I’m twenty, sitting on the floor of the family room,

Trying to feel my face —

I can’t feel my face.

I’m touching it, pinching it, but

I can’t feel my hands on my face.

Can I feel my legs?

A little bit.

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

The clock reads 3am when I call my psychiatrist’s emergency line.

You’re in luck, he tells me.

You’re already taking the medication used to treat this —

It’s called depersonalization —

Take extra tonight and call me in the morning.

It should help immediately.

It does.

6. I’m 30-something.

Life is a series of Polaroids,

A glitchy stop motion film,

Sound as if from far away.

Walking the dog,

I fear I’ll fall through

The sidewalk.

I trip over cracks, the world spins faster—-

Where in space is my body?

Where are my feet?

#Dissociation #Depersonalization #Derealization #CPTSD #Anxiety #Trauma #creativewriting

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Can anyone help me explain better?

I am repeatedly encouraged to “continue pushing” despite the fact that I actually, literally shut down. As in I go, I try, but I don’t make success with the task at least half of the time.
This is not okay, it reinforces my #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Agoraphobia and #PanicAttacks

I am by myself, on the floor, and rarely get what I need.

The stuff I end up with doesn’t make sense- like groceries don’t go together.

I have tried multiple ways of navigating this. At this point- I need my service providers to fully comprehend how bad it is. Is this #Dissociation ? Bc it isn’t just the agoraphobia. It happens even if I’m just performing a task inside.

My brain shuts down, I cry, I have panic attacks, I cannot think. I have no supports to call and it makes me hate myself and feel so angry that I know what to do but I cannot get my body to do it.

I need them to stop reinforcing this unhealthy expectation that if I “show up to something” it’s a success. Because I end up sicker after. For days to weeks. With things like emotional flashbacks, more severe #Migraine and self hate like I haven’t experienced before the cptsd got bad.

How do I explain that I cannot just force my body to move to do what they think it can do?

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Web app for dissociation

Hi everyone! I hope this is suited for this group. I am currently on the very early stages of developing a web app for people experiencing dissociative symptoms in any form. I've noticed there aren't many resources for dissociation in this form, and I want to help change that.

The idea would be to make it as comprehensible as possible, since ideally someone experiencing dissociation wouldn't need to use multiple apps, but just this one. I am trying to gather as much feedback regarding this as possible, both from people with lived experience and from some experts.

Although it wouldn't be exclusively for DID, it would be meant to be suitable for someone with DID (for example, specifically for DID I am thinking about including features to keep a record of your parts and a journal feature that can be a parts journal if the user chooses that option).

Of course, grounding exercises, symptoms tracking, and so on, would also be included, even though this could be more general.

Could you please share your thoughts and ideas on this with me? I would love to hear from more people what is actually needed and helpful! Thanks in advance!#Dissociation #DID #Dissociative #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #dpdr #DissociativeEpisode #DissociativeDisorder #DissociativeFugue #dissociativeamnesia

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I'm new here!

Hi everyone,
I am currently working on a web app to help people living with dissociative symptoms. I am still on very early stages of this development, and I would love to hear from you what you feel that could be useful! What do you think you need the most that could be in the form of a website?
It is possible that, if it shows useful, a mobile app version will also be built later, but for now I don't have resources or enough knowledge on mobile development yet.
Thanks in advance for your inputs!

#MightyTogether #Dissociation #dpdr #DID #DissociativeDisorder #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DissociativeEpisode #DissociativeFugue #dissociativedisorders #dissociativeamnesia

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