selfies

Selfie Saturday! I showed you mine! Now show me yours! Self love is a beautiful way to uplift yourself! #Selfies #Selflove

Just took this selfie in the kitchen 5 minutes ago. It’s a beautiful day, I just voted, and in a great mood. I rarely take (or post) selfies but this is a rare good day. I wanted to show the world how I felt. Thank you for reading this. ❤️
#Selfies #Selflove

My sister means well, but in the past has not been as helpful as she thought she was being. "Fake it til you make it" was one of the things she would tell me. I have no idea what she meant and am pretty sure she didn't know wither. It's one of those cliches people keep saying that is actually dangerous advice though. And it says to me don’t tell me how you really feel

Another thing she would tell me was to smile. She'd ask why I don't smile in any of my pictures. And I would tell her because I feel like shit most of the time when a picture is made of me. I also have very real teeth issues. I just got to the point here I can say this. Bit I rarely smile and when I do, it ain't no open mouth smile. But she would tell me I would feel better if I smiled which to me sounded like a variation of "fake it til you make it."

So one I took a selfie where I was smiling and looked like I was having a pretty good day. I don't think it was the picture I attached to this post. But the affect was still the same. I shared it on Facebook and within a few minutes or so, she responded that it did her heart well to see that I was having a good day for once. Here's the thing. I felt like sh*t. I was actually having a really bad day. I was depressed and considering suicide.

I realized then and probably already knew it that when folks try to get you to smile when you don't feel like smiling, they aren't doing it for you. They're being selfish even if they don't realize it. They want to feel better. They want to think you feel better. If they really wanted to know how you were feeling, they'd ask you.

She and I have had to have a Come To Jesus meeting about some of her sayings. The one that would literally set me off was when she would tell me to “choose to be happy.” We went a few rounds on that one before she finally stopped telling it to me. I didn't choose to be unhappy, I would tell her. Besides, depression is not the same as sadness. That took a little while to sink in with her, but we talked it out and she is much better support to me now

My selfies are often from my bed, while it might show a cheeky smile, it also hides how my depression “locks” me into my bed. My bed is my saviour, it’s also my goalkeeper. I’m sure MDD people on here will relate. Today I feel stuck, but I’m going to try. Try to find that key, to breakout of my beautiful but betraying prison, where I often take selfies, snapshots from my dark place. #Selfies