The Mirror: A Poem From a Suicide Attempt Survivor

I wrote this poem as a therapy assignment after attempting suicide on August 11, 2016. I was hospitalized for three weeks following my attempt. Though I am in therapy and beginning to heal from both my physical and emotional scars, I am finding that often times the most difficult part of healing is dealing with the stigmas and emotions involved from others and how differently I am perceived due to this trauma.

The Mirror

When I look in the mirror, what do I see?
Some days it feels so hard to be me.
On the surface, all seems well; hair is straightened, my blouse and pants smoothed swell.
On the inside, the waves toss and turn.
Who am I, and why is it so hard to learn?

I’ve made many mistakes, some big and some small.
Often I feel like nothing at all.
The mistakes I made cost me lovers and friends,
And so I decided I would meet my end.
One impulsive act is all it took;
The consequences, my world it shook.

I awoke in a groggy, pharmaceutical haze.
And once again my life was an undecipherable maze.
Through this maze I am discovering true and unconditional love,
And I know there must be a plan for me, sent from above.

I look in the mirror, and what do I see?
A very different, and physically altered me.
Will anyone love this new me?
I hope people will truly try to see.

This world is harsh and would be better if we could love –
Each other and ourselves, without lording from above.
Most days I am in awe that I am still here,
And I know I must try to live without fear.

When I look in the mirror, what do I see?
A woman, trying her best to learn to love me.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. 

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Thinkstock photo by Marco_Piunti