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How Medication for My Mental Health Saved My Life

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I remember thinking I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to go on medication. I tried everything to put it off, but the truth was I was in a downward spiral. My suicidal thoughts were out of control to the point where I was focused on them constantly. They were the first thing I thought of in the morning, the last thing I thought of before bed and all the seconds in between. To be honest, I don’t know how I was functioning. Then the time came when I had to change something. Life was unbearable and I was sinking.

That day, I met my new best friend — the best friend who would change my life forever, who would allow me to live it. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Life changed that day and I never looked back. The thoughts were not present. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t thought about them until my psychiatrist asked me “how have the thoughts been?” It was a miracle for me to say I wasn’t plagued by the suicidal thoughts anymore. I was functioning again and it was wonderful, all because of a chemical compound in a little capsule.

I used to worry that going on medication would make me lose myself, that it would take a part of me away and I would never be the same. Well, the latter was true – I would never be the same. Quite honestly, once the thoughts disappeared, I felt different. A torture I had lived with for so long was no longer there. In a matter of days, they were gone and I could breathe again.

Depression and suicidal thoughts took a lot away from me. I feel I lost years filled with countless memories and special moments to my disorder, time I’ll never quite get back. But if you find yourself in a rut and feel a part of you is lost forever, in time, I promise you’ll find that part of you again.

Editor’s note: Please see a doctor before starting or stopping a medication.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

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Originally published: November 30, 2017
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