Yes, I Tried to Kill Myself

I tried to kill myself.

I know that makes you uncomfortable. I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know you would like to pretend suicide doesn’t exist.

It does. Suicide exists. Suicide is frighteningly real.

I think, as a society, suicide is still far too stigmatized. Far too overlooked. Far too shamed. No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to admit that it is a problem, a huge problem.

It isn’t OK.

No, it isn’t OK I tried to kill myself. It isn’t OK I apologized to the police officers and EMS personnel over and over again because I had always been shamed in the past. It isn’t OK I felt guilty for “wasting the time” of the nurses and doctors who cared for me in the ER and ICU. It isn’t OK I was afraid to look at my phone after regaining consciousness. I was afraid people would be mad. I was afraid of the criticism awaiting me.

When will we start looking at mental illness for what it is, an illness? An illness that can be deadly, just as deadly as a physical illness.

People with mental illness deserve compassion. People who attempt suicide deserve compassion. People who die by suicide deserve compassion. All people deserve compassion.

It’s time for change. It’s time that we start looking at suicide differently.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.