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To the Man on the Other Side of My Suicide Hotline Call

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Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

To the kind man on the other side of the suicide hotline,

I wish to say thank you.

Thank you for listening to me.

Thank you for helping make sure I was safe.

Thank you for keeping me alive.

I wanted to die.

But you talked me down and listened to me ramble for an hour.

You reminded me of all I have to live for and how even though things suck right now,

I will be OK again.

You took me seriously.

You didn’t sugarcoat things and you weren’t afraid of what I had to say.

You helped me make a plan to stay safe.

You laughed with me and cried with me.

You gave me suggestions of things to watch on Netflix.

You kept me alive.

And I appreciate it.

So Garrett — that was your name — thank you.

You don’t know how much you did for me.

I was afraid to call.

I didn’t think I was bad enough to call, but then I looked down at where I had self-harmed, and I was scared.

Because I wanted to die, but I didn’t want to die.

I wanted the pain to end. I wanted the ache in my chest to stop.

But I didn’t want to die.

And I am extremely grateful I did call.

Because I could have died last night.

But today is a new day.

And I am here to see it.

The pain is still there and I don’t ache any less, but I am still here and that is a victory in and of itself.

So if you are feeling like I did, please reach out.

Because you matter.

I can’t tell you it’s going to get better because I’m not there either, but we can ride out the waves together.

Choose to stay.

Follow this journey on Adventures in the Life of Tay.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via Rawpixel.

Originally published: July 12, 2017
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