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To My Suicidal Self, Ask Yourself This.

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Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741

Dear suicidal me,

You might probably have zero mental strength to read this.

But I beg you to try.

First of all, I would like to congratulate you for holding on till now. It is no ordinary feat. I know you probably feel like you are “weak” and haven’t done well enough, but believe me, you have done really well.

Your emotional sensitivity has put you through some difficult and unpleasant times. You fought back, got hurt and fell down, but you still kept getting back up.

Even in times of intense mental distress, you were able to function well in life with good academic performance and family and friends. Anybody would be surprised if you told them you had mental health problems, because you hid it all and worked hard to be “normal.”

Yet, now things have changed a bit. Depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety. No matter what the doctors call it, your problem isn’t letting go. Because of this, you have been in a lot of pain. Lots of pent-up feelings, lack of people to share them with, occasional temper tantrums and the desire to live a normal life in spite of all this, have caused a lot of stress. While you want to live life and face its challenges, your mental health decides to barricade your path. Brain fog, the inability to concentrate, physical ailments and loss of interest in almost everything in life has put you in a state where it is difficult to even get through the day.

You had managed it for many years but now you have decided to stop doing so.

Don’t feel guilty. Many in your place would have felt like giving up, whether they care to admit that or not. Phrases like “never give up” and “keep fighting” lose their meaning after some time. So, it is only natural you want to stop the pain. You don’t want to die. You just want to put an end to your struggle.

But all I ask you is to look back at how far you have travelled. While the pain may not have ended, your ability to handle the pain and function in life has improved over the years. You are stronger than you were when this all started. Even if your brain tells you that you did nothing, don’t believe it. Like your therapist said, you are doing mind-bogglingly well in spite of all this. That’s the reality.

Just think and answer this question. Do you really want to give up now, after all this journey? The end may not be in sight, but it is still out there. All you need to do is push yourself a bit more, like you have done till now. Moreover, if you kill yourself, you will pass on the pain to your loved ones.

If the answer to that question is a “no,” don your armor once again and step back in the battlefield like you always do.

Maybe this time, you might end up winning the war once and for all!

With lots of love,

Your honest and loving self.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via dzima1.

Originally published: March 13, 2017
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