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The 2 Things People Get Wrong About Those Who Die by or Attempt Suicide

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In my 32 years of life, I have tried to die by suicide six times in a span of 10 years. And I still think about suicide every moment of every single day. It comes with the territory of my mental illnesses. I say die by suicide because commit suicide sounds like a crime, and I haven’t done any crime.

You may ask how I can say that after trying to kill myself six times? After all isn’t that the biggest crime of all? To which I would say a hard no. Suicide isn’t a crime committed by a person. Suicide is a cause of death, as opposed to cold-blooded killing. 

Suicide is seen as something so negative in our society, some people who are suicidal refuse to come out and share their stories, which in turn makes them feel more alone.

It is seen as a sign of cowardice, selfishness — both of which are wrong. A person who dies by suicide isn’t a coward, nor are they selfish. It’s an attempt to release oneself from all the pain you’re going through. It isn’t cowardly to take that step to end your world. And it is not selfish. The person who makes the decision to kill themselves thinks about everything and everyone around them. They think the world would be better without them. That might not be true, but that is their truth.

Do you want to know what I was thinking in the last moments before I tried to die? I was thinking how relieved my brother and father would be if I no longer existed. You may argue that it is illogical and wrong to think like that, but see, in the state I’m in, I cannot think of a better way to end their pain and mine. 

Do not get me wrong, I’m not being an advocate of suicide. I’m not cheerleading for someone who’s contemplating suicide to follow through with their plan. That’s not what my post is about. It’s about spreading awareness of the fact that people who have died by suicide, which is so many of us, and people who have tried to die by suicide, like me — these people are not cowards or selfish. So don’t judge them like that. I just want you to change your perspective of how you look at suicide.

Both people who have been victims of suicide or survivors of suicide attempts are judged rather harshly by society, and if they live, it stays with them forever. Like some of the comments I’ve heard which are still with me. And I live with them, but I didn’t have to, if the people around me understood what I went through and why I decided to end my life. 

I’m asking you to open your eyes to a new way of seeing things. Maybe if you understand, then another person who is having suicidal thoughts won’t keep it from you and you can save them. 

The world would be a better place if everyone could share what’s going on in their minds, and this is such a small step.

If you’re someone who’s reading this post and contemplating suicide, I will ask you to think again. You don’t have to die by suicide, there are people like you everywhere. They are survivors. You can be a survivor and share your story with the world, like me. There are endless possibilities of finding people who understand you and your illness, but you can only chance upon them if you are alive. The world will be a better place with you, even though it doesn’t feel like that now. You can trust me because I have been where you are now. 

For anyone reading this post and has judged someone in the past who died by suicide, or judged me till now for what I have written, I implore you to look a little more, dig a little deeper, open your eyes. There’s more to the story than you think there is. 

For any help or just for someone to listen to you, you can always find me at Hope Is Good.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image via Thinkstock

Originally published: December 14, 2016
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