The Mighty Logo

What 'Passive' Suicidal Ideation Looks Like

The most helpful emails in health
Browse our free newsletters

Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

Being suicidal isn’t always making attempts on your life or self-harm. Sometimes, it’s not a planned thing.

Being suicidal can be silently begging the world to end your life. It can be wishing for a car accident, eating life-threatening bad shrimp or even being in a catastrophic event like a tornado. Or it could be something as simple as going to bed and never leaving it again.

This is being “passively” suicidal.

It is a state I am in constantly and have been in for years. I don’t know how to be any other way anymore. I can’t remember the last time I went a day without contemplating what would happen if I did X thing happened that might unintentionally kill me.

I don’t actively try to end everything. I wait for it to happen to me and if it does, I will be helpless to stop it.

It’s not easy to spot. Sometimes, it’s difficult even for me to recognize the intrusive thoughts for what they are.

So, even if someone you love isn’t making attempts on their life, keep an eye on them anyway. You could just be that person that makes them want to get out of bed one day.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via AnkDesign

Originally published: October 11, 2017
Want more of The Mighty?
You can find even more stories on our Home page. There, you’ll also find thoughts and questions by our community.
Take Me Home