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My Husband Died by Suicide, but His Memory Lives On

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As it is with many who lose a loved one, none of us want them to be forgotten. It has now been almost two years since Steve took his own life. With the exception of a few close friends, I feel people are weary of my stories and talking about Steve. My heart is already broken that Steve is no longer with me. The shattered pieces are fragmenting a little more as time goes on as he becomes a distant memory to most.

Recently, someone unexpectedly reached out to me. I received a Christmas card in the mail from a former Team Total Training (Steve’s triathlon team) member. The last year this man was on the team was 2007.

I was so touched by what he wrote in the card: “You and Steve are always in our hearts and minds. Thinking of you and Steve.” This is from a man who I did not know well and who last participated with the tri-team almost 10 years ago. I was so touched by his thoughtfulness and kind words.

This man’s card gives me hope that there are many others who will never forget Steve. However, the silence of so many can be deafening. Left to my own devices, I will ruminate and think everyone has already put Steve out of their minds, especially considering the circumstances of Steve’s death. In reality, these silent friends may still be trying to come to grips with Steve’s loss, and I may just be a sad reminder to them that Steve is no longer here.

Steve may be gone, but deep in my shattered heart, I know he will never be forgotten by those whose lives he so profoundly impacted. He was truly unforgettable.

For more, check out the author’s blog Slipped Away.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

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Image via Thinkstock

Originally published: January 6, 2017
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