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8 Quotes I Revisit When I'm Having Suicidal Thoughts

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Let’s talk about something more deadly than sharks, snakes, cars and lightning. Let’s talk about something that is seen by some as cowardly, selfish, a sin or simply incomprehensible.

Surviving and fighting on is brave, but I would never call suicide selfish or cowardly. Rather, the intrusive thoughts of suicide can create a cloudy barrier that causes the person affected by it to forget a lot of external things. It’s easy to convince yourself you are a burden when you are not. It is easy to think the world will be better off without you when it will miss you dearly. It is easy to think that this will be the only feeling you will ever feel for the rest of your existence, when that is not true.

I am currently dealing with suicidal thoughts. They are vicious bastards. At the moment my depression is too bad to see the light.

I have to remind myself that the last time I had extremely intrusive suicidal thoughts, a few years ago, and held on, I have had so many wonderful experiences, made some amazing friends and made some treasured memories. And on a more simple level, I have also enjoyed yummy food, funny TV shows, cool movies, nice moments and good hugs. Of course, I since then I have had some pretty rubbish and extremely lonely and heartbreaking times too (I swear, I am not being melodramatic!), but it was worth holding on for the good times.

To get myself grounded, I revisit some of my favorite quotes about suicide:

(Out of context, that was a morbid sentence, but bear with me. These are the ones that resonate with me.)

1. “People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek if you are dead.” — resource from Aston University

2. “You can’t predict when new options might appear. It’s impossible to know what might happen if you just wait two more days. If you act on your thoughts now you’ll never find out what could have been.” — How to Cope With Suicidal Thoughts, WikiHow

3. “You’re cared for. It may feel out of reach now but you will be OK. The world can’t stand to lose you. You matter and you’re here for a reason. You can make it through whatever it is you’re in.” — Reddit user AlexeiVostrikov 

4. “You are loved, more than you have allowed yourself to believe. You are disappointed in yourself far more than you have disappointed anyone else. You have lost sight of what makes you magical and interesting in other people’s eyes. Work really hard to believe this, faking it until you make it. You are never alone, never, never, never. There will be good people who will help you do this.” — Reddit user Odd_Bodkin

5. “Depression is smaller than you. Always, it is smaller than you, even when it feels vast. It operates within you, you do not operate within it. It may be a dark cloud passing across the sky but – if that is the metaphor – you are the sky. You were there before it. And the cloud can’t exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud.” — Matt Haig, author of “Reasons to Stay Live.”

6. “You will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears at the Beach Boys, you will stare down at a baby’s face as she lies asleep in your lap, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious foods you haven’t tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven’t read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it.” — Matt Haig, author of “Reasons to Stay Live.”

7. “I think life always provides reasons to not die, if we listen hard enough. Those reasons can stem from the past — the people who raised us, maybe, or friends or lovers — or from the future — the possibilities we would be switching off.” — Matt Haig, author of “Reasons to Stay Live.”

8. “Feeling suicidal is the worst you are ever going to feel. This is it. This is rock bottom. Things cannot possibly get any worse than feeling alone, depressed and suicidal. The only way things will go from here is up.” — my friend, Meg L.

Please don’t just become a memory. Be a comment on Reddit that makes me laugh. Be a video that goes viral that I can thumbs up. Be a stock photo with blinding white teeth for advertisements. Be a new person to meet at a party. Be someone’s best friend when online gaming. Be the baker of an average birthday cake. Be a tired customer at a supermarket.

You can be grumpy and tired and sad and stinky and in pain, as long as you are alive.

Call that helpline. Post on that forum. Tell that loved one. Get professional help. Stay strong, even when you feel weak. Stay safe, even when you want to hurt yourself. Hold on to what could be. You are unique and you are literally irreplaceable.

Follow this journey on Encyclopedia of Recovery.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via Stockbyte

Originally published: April 10, 2017
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