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A Sincere Truth I Learned When I Was Suicidal

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Before I get into what I have to say, I want to focus on you. You, who is downtrodden, broken and hurting. You, who has traveled and fought and muddled your way through the vast recesses of your mind only to find darkness, fear and loneliness. You don’t have to be alone. You aren’t alone. And you don’t have to be afraid. We are here.

I had a professor this past year, for whom I have a great deal of admiration and respect. When Suicide Prevention and Awareness Day came around they stopped class and said the words which will be etched into my brain forever: “I’m not going to tell you it will always get better. That’s bull. What I will tell you is that you’re not alone. That’s the truth.” 

I was a freshman the first time I wanted to die. I was a little overweight, I felt the pressures of the expectations others had for me a little too greatly and I had excessive expectations for myself. But the thing is, no one told me it was OK to be afraid and let go of the things holding me back. No one told me at the end of the day, it didn’t matter what society told me was needed from me. All I needed to hear was that I wasn’t alone — that I was loved and that there was hope. But then again, I’m not even sure I would have listened. Sometimes depression sucks that way.

No one gave me a reason to live, so I thought that was a reason to die. But then I found out the most honest, sincere truth I’ve ever learned: When I found no one to give me a reason, I gave myself the chance. I had to learn how to give myself love, how to open up a beacon of hope for myself.

It isn’t that life stays bad forever. You just have to learn to see the good even when no one turns on the light. So, my dear world, I would like to thank you all for existing. And I want you to know I look forward to seeing each and every one of you tomorrow.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page. 

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

Originally published: September 2, 2016
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