I’ve been doing the things. I even started running, then added swimming, and now a little biking. For 3 weeks, I have felt great and had no dark days. Feeling quite vital, in fact. And out of nowhere, there it is. The dark well of depression bubbling up from inside. It’s heavy, pervasive, resisting my self-care attempts with an ugly sneer. It stands in the corner with its arms folded, judging my productivity, my wellness, my newborn foal’s wobbly-kneed hold on the sanctity of my life. It waits. It knows. It bides its time, picking its foul teeth with its filthy fingernails. Nothing needs to be said. It’s mere presence telegraphs it all.
I am angry that it is here. It snickers. Reminding me that I am not well, despite all of my efforts to the contrary. Robbing me of a sense of normalcy and ever making me “other” than everyone else. But, I know... The only thing to do is welcome it, and allow it to pass through like a dark storm. Hello. Yes, I see you. Come on in. Let me make you a cup of tea. And, like a polite hostess to an unwelcome visitor, invite you to leave and then firmly close and lock the door behind you. #CPTSD #Trauma #Shadows #Anxiety #Depression #theguest