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The dark well of #Depression

I’ve been doing the things. I even started running, then added swimming, and now a little biking. For 3 weeks, I have felt great and had no dark days. Feeling quite vital, in fact. And out of nowhere, there it is. The dark well of depression bubbling up from inside. It’s heavy, pervasive, resisting my self-care attempts with an ugly sneer. It stands in the corner with its arms folded, judging my productivity, my wellness, my newborn foal’s wobbly-kneed hold on the sanctity of my life. It waits. It knows. It bides its time, picking its foul teeth with its filthy fingernails. Nothing needs to be said. It’s mere presence telegraphs it all.
I am angry that it is here. It snickers. Reminding me that I am not well, despite all of my efforts to the contrary. Robbing me of a sense of normalcy and ever making me “other” than everyone else. But, I know... The only thing to do is welcome it, and allow it to pass through like a dark storm. Hello. Yes, I see you. Come on in. Let me make you a cup of tea. And, like a polite hostess to an unwelcome visitor, invite you to leave and then firmly close and lock the door behind you. #CPTSD #Trauma #Shadows #Anxiety #Depression #theguest

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many shadows and light #Shadows

as I go through each day I am faced with the shadows of life and how to deal with the pain and struggles with MS. I do my best to see the light the shadows can create. I sit at night and look at this lamp. I can see the beauty of the shadows. they too, can be a blessing.



I wrote this today...


There are shadows around me, both inside and out.
On the edge of my vision, that I just can’t make out.
My past is a shadow, that I can not see.
Even with all this light, it’s unclear to me,
I try so hard, to get over my past.
But my memories are hidden. Am I up for the task?
To dig, and to delve, into memories unknown.
To peel back the layers, and take what’s my own.
There’s a fear in me, about what I will find.
As I go deeper into shadows, that close off my mind.
Am I frightened to discover, I’m not the good person I want to be?
Or am I scared to recall, all the bad done to me?
What’s clouded in shadows, I see in my dreams.
But forget upon waking, I’m not ready it seems.
Why was I given this life, that I can’t recall?
‘It’s for a reason’ they say, but I can’t see it at all.
Sometimes the shadows, overwhelm my being.
And I think I’m on the verge, of truely seeing.
My past that’s a shadow, black and hidden from me.
I’m terrified of the light, that’s meant to help me see.

By Marni
#Anxiety #PTSD #MightyPoets #Notapoet #Shadows #Scaredtoknow #MentalHealth