Whyisthissohard

Idk why but i can’t stop thinking about how much I want to be clean and stop using. But no matter what I feel like when it comes time to finally getting clean and quitting. I never can. A literal battle with a demon that is my own mind. And idk how to escape it or what to do. #helpme #idontwanttodothisanymore #juststop #whatswrongwithme

Got through Christmas just barely and now my mind thinks it has permission to freak out. 1 A.M. and I’m wide awake taut as a bow string. Thinking of the hospital. It’s been 2 years and that’s generally how long it takes. Would be disastrous though. Gotta get through somehow. #Whyisthissohard