Family and Friends

My Wife has just left after visiting me in the hospital. For the first time in the 3 weeks since my accident, I cried. A wave of grief overwhelmed me.

I have cried and screamed on the inside when the collection of pain meds I am one were insufficient to control the pain.

I have cried on the inside when I think of how so many people, especially my Wife, have willingly stepped up to do the tasks I normally cover.

I have cried when I have fallen through the cracks of the nurses tasks and have been unable to get help from being stranded in my bathroom.

Yet today, it all became too much. I am due to go into full time physio rehabilitation for about 2 weeks but there is a shortage of places at the moment. Once I have completed the rehab I can go home. I won’t be able to drive until next year, I won’t be able to put any weight on the leg until 2026, but at least I will be home.

Crying doesn’t come easy me. Growing up, crying led to physical abuse.

I know this season is time limited. Just right now, I really want to go home.

I thought I should provide a detailed update to explain what’s been happening the past 2 weeks. Almost 2 weeks ago while I was attending a cardio exercise session one of the class members made a very careless error which resulted in me being knocked off my feet and landing badly on the floor. I knew straight away something serious had occurred as I could not move.

An ambulance took me to hospital where I was diagnosed as having a complex tibia fracture. My leg was cast in plaster and I was admitted to a private hospital. In Australia wd have public hospitals where the treatment is completely free but wait times for elective surgery can be over a year, and private hospitals where the standard of care is first class but you will often have “gap” payments even if you are privately insured, which I am.

Two days ago my CT scans were repeated because in spite of being on complete bed rest my pain has been getting worse. The scans showed the fractures need surgical intervention so next week they will operate and use screws and plates to fix my leg.

This means all up I am probably looking at 5 weeks in hospit and a 6k medical bill.

Pain management hasn’t been easy due to many factors and already I am very homesick and tired of the pain.

In all of this I am trying to see the big picture. Thank God I don’t have to go to the public system. My pain has an end date, many people live with pain every day without an exit hope.

One complication is I am not allowed to shave due to the risk of bleeding as I am on blood thinners. Excuse the shocking photo. I look like a fugitive.

God is in control. I am not. This I need to constantly remember.

It’s a week since the ambulance took me to hospital . There is still no definitive discharge date or surgical plan. Right now the focus is trying to get my pain managed.

Today was a rugged day. Physiotherapy was intense and relief from the relentless pain is not working. I want to go home and things go back to normal. My tear stained pillow will hopefully bring peace, relief and hope.

Growing up we had it constantly drummed into us that as children we had to be quiet and keep our opinions to ourselves.

Over the years I have been trying to reclaim my voice. Even something as simple as asking the steward on a long haul flight for another coke or hot towel.

I have been in hospital for almost a week now. Because of the seriousness of my injury I am engaging with nurses and doctors are lot. I have pressed the call button a lot. I can’t do much without support. So embarrassing as it is I have had to ask for assistance with toilets, and additional medication. I am charted for 3 different pain meds every four hours but I have not hesitated to ask for additional meds when I need them. Trying to “tough out” the pain is not good medical care and the nurses have never made it awkward to ask.

Finding our voice and holding firm boundaries is liberating. During my 30 years in business I sacked clients on occasions. I would tell the client that I don’t get paid enough to be subjected to condescending comments and they needed to find a new broker. The people I sacked were often shocked and begged me to reconsider but I never did. They had to have a pattern of consistent rudeness to get me to sack them. Walking away from a good sale was liberating.

Speak up. Your voice deserves to be heard. You have experienced much and learnt even more. You might even be the voice for those not ready to speak up themselves.

After my triple heart bypass I resolved to respect my chance of life by staying active and eating well. With this in mind I have been attending an intense cardiac exercise class each week.

Yesterday a new attendee made a serious error which resulted in me crashing to the floor whilst I was in full running mode. I knew straight away I had sustained more than soft tissue damage.

X-rays at the hospital confirmed I had a large fracture in my leg. Trying to get the pain managed has thus far proved difficult. Morphine is taking the edge off the pain and other opioids are helping but it will be six weeks of no driving and getting around on crutches.

In the big picture though I am glad Australia has a good health system, my family always excel in their care of me. Life can be very ironic and random!

Labels can be so destructive and painful sometimes. Being different to others can be a magnificent thing. When we are true to our own values and beliefs.

I saw this wonderful sheep at our hotel stay in The Netherlands. It reminded me how beautiful life is when we don’t fit into a mould. Hope it inspires you.

Edward Hale: "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do."

#Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Generosity #Faith #PTSD #MentalHealth

Checking in on your friends can make all the difference.

Knowing the warning signs of suicide can help us show up for the people in our lives. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 for mental health support. NAMI-NYC also offers a Living with Thoughts of Suicide group to talk about what it’s like to have those thoughts, how to manage them, and find community. Learn more here: naminycmetro.org/programs/living-with-thoughts-of-suicide

#Suicide #MentalHealth #FamilyAndFriends

I am writing this at 37,000 feet somewhere over Australia. After seven weeks we are going home from our European holiday. The holiday was great but I can’t wait to get home.

I feel a huge weight of responsibility organising our travel. After 11 flights, countless trains and so much laughter and awe, life can return to normal. Largely it went smoothly apart from arriving in Amsterdam and our air tags showing our luggage was still at Paris.

Battling mental health issues makes change and being out of routine challenging. Before we left for the trip I made the following determination.

1. In spite of the best planning something will go wrong as not everything is in your control.

2. When it happens, don’t panic, pivot. Come up with plan b or c, or even d if necessary.

That resolve was called upon many times. I hope I can continue that process when I back home. It might just work for you too.