Join the Conversation on
6.1K people
0 stories
524 posts
About Dementia
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in Dementia

Feels like I am a burden

#Dementia #AlzheimersDisease

I need some guidance, I was diagnosed with AD at least 2 years ago. I am depressed, lonely, and sad most days. I feel my family (wife and son) leave me out of day-day activities and decisions cause I may not understand, which is probably right, but I get very emotional to find out things are happening at the last minute. I get the impression that my wife’s patience is just a tad short. I don’t know what else I can do. In addition I am in pain 24/7 with diabetes and other serious illness. I can’t drive and depend heavily on my wife. I have alienated my family in my recent outburst and I don’t see a way forward. Ty for any feedback.

2 reactions 1 comment

Feel like a broken record!

#ChronicPain #ADHD #Grief #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Depression

I suffer with all of the above. I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was in high school. My parents although they had their marital struggles were amazing and did anything they could to help me. Flash forward to 2018 which started the downward spiral.. my mom was diagnosed with Dementia and I’ve slowly been grieving her ever since. She was my biggest cheerleader in life. October 2019 I was out celebrating my boyfriend now husbands birthday.. long story short was hit by a car walking home. My injuries have healed but I’m left with constant guilt trauma and shame that I’m not better. I have been diagnosed with CRPS. Mostly neuropathy in my left ankle. On three different meds for nerve pain and still have it,l. Some days are way worse than others
2024 my mom doesn’t say much anymore and sometimes won’t even open her eyes. Who knows how long she has left.

My husband is amazing. His mom passed away when he was young. We have both our dads but I am missing the compassionate care of my mom. She’s basically dead but not yet.

I struggle to take care of me. I want to lose weight,l. To enjoy my marriage. To not feel like a burden or broken record to my family and friends. I can’t seem to stay consistent with anything.

Ok if you got this far thank you. ❤️ wanting to feel less alone at 34.

30 reactions 8 comments

Gaslighting is a Real Danger to Everyone

I would suspect that if you are aware of gas lighting then you’re aware of how most abusers use it to try to get out of trouble and to try to flip the script so that you’re the one that is on defense. They try to make it so that they never have to feel that shame and they never have to be the bad guy.

They can be the perpetual victim and they can always be the one telling the sob story for the sympathy hit, or they can be the justified avenger that finally had enough. In all cases you’re the bad guy and they are the good guy but, it’s petty enough and childish enough that it doesn’t really effect you, despite the annoyance of someone denying what you know to be true.

True gaslighting is much more insidious than that. If you’re truly the target of someone with real malintent in mind then this person will sadistically try to break you down mentally and emotionally with the ultimate goal of complete control over you and for some malignants, their goal may be for you to committing suicide.

It sounds harsh I know, but to these individuals there is nothing more impressive and ego inflating that being able to drive someone to the point of suicide and not leave a mark or a speck of evidence.

The aggressor will have the patience of a psychopath predator waiting for their prey in the dark without a sound or a breath to disturb or alert you. This gaslighting will be subtle and consistent and it will be aimed at destabilizing you to the point that you are uncertain where you stand on anything.

How They Do It
They will be consistent and they will be relentless with denying your reality. Whatever happened they will go down a list of typical things that a sociopath would say to invalidate your and to try to turn it into something else. They will tell you that you are delusional. That is a big one that they love as a go-to statement.

They will talk circles around you randomly jumping from topic to another topic while blaming the topic jumps on ADD or ADHD, it will provide you with no cohesion or flow in the conversation and it will typically happen the moment that you’re starting to get firm on your position or starting to corner them on some aspect of the lie. They will smart about this though and jump to another topic and will leave the other one alone for a while.

They use a couple of principles that are espoused quite loudly as a means of causing you to doubt yourself.

The first is that they’ll constantly remind you of studies or of things they have read that state memories change, that we can remember false things, that trauma changes the brain and changes our memories and how we perceived events due to that.

They will pour on all of the scientific or logical reasons even going so far as suggesting early onset dementia just to get that seed of doubt started in your mind.

They want you to logically be aware and logically think that it is quite normal and quite an everyday occurrence for people to misremember something or to have changed the memory into something else.

They want you to normalize that information which make it easier to mold your memories if you accept the notion that you likely do not remember some things correctly and that some of your memories could be wrong. It makes it so you subconsciously accept that your memory is flawed.

Then, they will work hard on creating circumstances which shock you with these ‘aha!’ moments where you are dead wrong on something which will leave you stunned and leave you recalling the fact that memories are malleable.

They will try to cluster a few of these situations together and may even fabricate or setup the dominoes so you walk into a situation that was designed to prove you wrong by making you think one thing when the reality was another.

All of these things are 100% meant to add to the notion that your memory is not as static as you think. Once you have that seed of doubt then you’ll see a switch back to that initial topic with the rewrite in hand.

On top of all of that, they also know that time is not on your side. Time weakens memories, it weakens how strong the memories are and our conviction to the severity of those memories.

They know that it will water down with time and you’ll become less and less attached to those memories which again will allow them to be accessed and for you to be less defensive about them accessing those memories.

They will push you with exhaustion. You’ll be worn out and tired when they approach you with the rewrite because we tend to be more agreeable and less willing to fight over details when we are tired.

Things we might have held them to or corrected them on we will let slide for sake of saving ourselves from an argument but each time that we do this with a detail we start to allow that history to be rewritten. Sure we know in that moment what the truth is, and we can tell ourselves ‘yeah, but we know the truth’ but it isn’t that easy.

Our subconscious works against us and our subconscious stores these memories. Our subconscious believes whatever it is that we tell it so if let that lie slide in that one details then our subconscious will be more receptive to it the more often we hear it. After that detail has slid by two or three times we may believe that detail to be true and it over writes the fact of the matter.

Little by little they will bring this issue or this event up and they will continue to change details in it waiting as time goes on and for your memories fade. If you decide to dig in and fight it out over some detail they will either talk in circles saying the same thing again but repetitiously minutely retelling the story but with an important detail or two out.

The repetition and the injection of their new story parts, the omission of the old story parts and you start to get a evolving event that you will start to remember differently than it had happened and you won’t even know that it is the case.

Further to that, they will utilize your fighting fatigue. They know that if they drag the fight on long enough over enough days there will be a point that you’ll be so tired of fighting about it you’ll be in a greater likelihood to either accept their explanation of the event or accept that they were innocent in whatever the issue was or that you were actually the one responsible for whatever the event was.

Now, the really insidious ones will also utilize their friends to gaslight you by telling you in random conversations that they facts are different than what you remember.

They’ll joke about you being delusional and they will say things that will make you start to question yourself — you may even have thrown at you a statement like ‘if everyone else is saying the same thing then don’t you find it odd how you’re the only one that blames everyone else or you’re the only one who believes this other thing to be true?’

When you have a organized and motivated group that is intent on erasing an event from the public consciousness you’ll see that this ability is quite effective to actually have people think that serious events were actually minor coincidences.

They will work on you over a period of a year even slowly chipping away at what you know to be reality calling you a pathological liar to isolate you and calling you delusional or insane nonstop until that moment when they hit you just in the right spot and you ask yourself….’am I really the problem here?’ and then boom — they got you.

4 reactions

older asian sibling #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #iquit

anybody got an older sibling that they can’t stop fighting with? she’s not a horrible person but the complete opposite and she’s a trigger for my ptsd. she would say mean things that i totally absorbed. i remember how i felt like it was yesterday when it was 30 years ago. sometimes i just want to run away from my entire family and disappear where they can’t ever find me. moms got bipolar with psychosis and dementia with paranoia. she’s getting treated but some days i feel like my whole life has been spent on nothing. my past life must have been good for my current one to be this awful. it’s never ever going to change bc there’s always something wrong w me. i hate my life. working very hard tonight to be numb (not dead) but numb.

3 reactions

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is LisasHusband. I'm here because we are halfway through confirming that Lisa at 58 and my wife of 14 years has early onset dementia and personality changes resulting from Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease. Waiting to schedule LP and EEG - hopefully within the week. I can barely be with her for an hour without crying about how things are going to progress for her. So many unknowns except for the final outcome. I'm not sure even now she grasps what the next 6-18 months are likely to look like.

I'm here because I wan't to get this as "right" as possible by giving Lisa the best quality of life as she worsens; by honoring her desire for privacy yet knowing there are many people who love her and want to tell her that while she can still hear it - although paranoia and skepticism are already apparent, and I am not sure she is open to receiving those individual messages of love and sadness. And I'm here to find a safe space to air my thoughts and feelings. TY


25 reactions 6 comments
See full photo

Tis the Season... 🎄☃️✡️✝️🎅

Happy holidays to everyone!

Tis the Season.. to be careful of stress levels, take breaks from all the hustle and bustle, rest when it's needed, listen to our physical and mental health.. what other suggestions might you add here? 🤔
Have a great holiday season no matter what you celebrate! ❤️

21 reactions 3 comments

Family dying(?)

So, in my last post, I believe I mentioned a cousin having stage 4 cancer. Her "treatment" seems to be going well, however, miserable it mat be. Though the doctors firmly believe that if she stopped chemo it would be right back where she started. Her mother has a heart issue so stress is bad. Heh.

Another aunt, sister to the one above and to my mother as well as being my godmother, fell and hit her head badly. She has a traumatic brain injury with bleeds in the motor control area that deals with the ability to respond to stimuli. The doctors don't know if she will ever come out of it and even if she does she likely won't be the same. They have her heavily sedated in an effort to let the bleeds heal but will also be bringing her out of sedation daily to see if she is able to respond. Her husband has dementia and is terrified and keeps losing what everyone is telling him while at the same time my mother described him as "looking gray". He's also falling constantly.

1 comment

I’m new here!

Hi, my name is cuttershemanski. I'm here because
my sister has just lost her significant other to suicide last week and I'm worried for her. I have a teenager with old and eating disorder. I am the caretaker of a mother with dementia and I'm an addict/complete mess.
#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Migraine #EatingDisorder #OCD #Grief

1 reaction