Loneliness

My family are like Ships passing in the night.

So much distance and darkness covering our ability to connect with eachother.

We don't know eachother, while I crave some closeness.

But once we are close, its like pirates on board.

Anger, rage, assumptions and a chaotic environment.

I have no one to lean on in my family.

So I rely on myself only, a lone ship, an island, betting the odds with the world around me.

I tried to connect with them, but it was quite one sided, I made all the effort, it got tiring.

One ship really drifted out to sea, far far away, never to be seen again.

We all are getting older and far apart.... it feels so solemn.

I am an orphan with several siblings and 2 parents.

But I'll keep signaling my flashing light to the other ships for whatever its worth, even when they don't flash back.

I am so sad.

#Estrangement #Loneliness #Depression #Family

I don’t know why I’m even bothering to post anymore, but here I am. On top of everything else, I’ve just been broken up with for the first time after two years. I’ve almost entirely lost my mask, and I’m just a wreck. For a while, I’ve gone around school very confident and alive, but it wasn’t getting me anywhere anyway. And now I’m so sleep deprived and full of pain I can’t do that anymore. But at least now some people in my two favorite classes are noticing a little. As I’ve mentioned before, my French class is really small so we’re all really good (class) friends now. We were doing this speaking activity where you have a paper of questions in French, and you go around asking everyone if they do that thing. If they do, you can write their name in that box. So I had just done one with this girl in my class (that I know relatively more than other peoppe in the class), and I couldn’t remember if her name was spelled with a C or a K. So she gave me the first three letters, and my mind was just not registering how to write it. I couldn’t believe it. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t translate what she had said onto my paper. So finally I was like, "Wow sorry I just cannot think, I didn’t sleep at all last night." And she was really nice about it and was like, "Oh it’s ok," then I handed her my paper and pencil so she could write it down, and then she said, "You good?"
And without even the slightest hesitation, I said "Not really." Then she said "Oh-" and then I went to go find another person.
Even though it was mostly just in passing, it was nice to have someone ask, and then to be real about it. And I know I mentioned it at the beginning, but being dumped is like, the least of my pain right now. My lack of sleep and lack of wellbeing is caused by a number of other things going on.

I don’t know why I’m even bothering to post anymore, but here I am. On top of everything else, I’ve just been broken up with for the first time after two years. I’ve almost entirely lost my mask, and I’m just a wreck. For a while, I’ve gone around school very confident and alive, but it wasn’t getting me anywhere anyway. And now I’m so sleep deprived and full of pain I can’t do that anymore. But at least now some people in my two favorite classes are noticing a little. As I’ve mentioned before, my French class is really small so we’re all really good (class) friends now. We were doing this speaking activity where you have a paper of questions in French, and you go around asking everyone if they do that thing. If they do, you can write their name in that box. So I had just done one with this girl in my class (that I know relatively more than other peoppe in the class), and I couldn’t remember if her name was spelled with a C or a K. So she gave me the first three letters, and my mind was just not registering how to write it. I couldn’t believe it. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t translate what she had said onto my paper. So finally I was like, "Wow sorry I just cannot think, I didn’t sleep at all last night." And she was really nice about it and was like, "Oh it’s ok," then I handed her my paper and pencil so she could write it down, and then she said, "You good?"
And without even the slightest hesitation, I said "Not really." Then she said "Oh-" and then I went to go find another person.
Even though it was mostly just in passing, it was nice to have someone ask, and then to be real about it. And I know I mentioned it at the beginning, but being dumped is like, the least of my pain right now. My lack of sleep and lack of wellbeing is caused by a number of other things going on.

I feel alone today but happy and at peace, no one to judge me or tell me how annoying I am. I have ADHD and autism so I can be a bit of a pain to others. I talk too much sometimes and not enough at other times. I just annoy people. I have had friends in my past who have criticized me for who I am and I had to leave the friendship behind. Now it is harder for me to love or feel close to new friends. I feel more connected when I'm alone, in my head, or walking with nature. I've had friends who got angry at me for being sick and friends who punched me or lash out on me with their alcoholic rage. I've had friends who crossed every boundary possible. I've had friends who ended the friendship because I couldn't fill a role in their life, like being happy all the time and when things got tough on my end, they said goodbye. I tried everything to self improve but I am not sure what more to do. I've had friends who got angry with me because I was nervous around them and they lashed out on me on my birthday. I've never had a friend who loved me the way I loved them. I am completely alone now and feel at peace like I've never before, I don't see myself wanting to form new friendships because they have been major heartbreak for me. In the end, I will be the best friend I can be to all the perfect strangers I run into, and it has been working well for me. #Loneliness #Depression #ADHD #Autism

We had everything in common, we liked the same games, sports, hobbies, and we did everything together. She was a perfect friend, but there was one thing that ruined it all. She was an angry person. When she was in a mood, she lashed out on strangers, her sibling, her friends, and eventually me. I have ptsd from verbal abuse, so this didn't sit well with me. I've tried to talk it over with her but she got angry and defensive and said I was causing her drama. She has lashed out on me in the past, she never seems to express tender emotion or sadness, but only anger. She is passive aggressive. I've tried to love her for 4 years as a BFF, but I unfortunately couldn't. I don't know what's wrong and I feel guilty but I had to tell her that it was over. I just hope she moved on from me sooner than I moved on from her. I feel a tinge of sadness as well as relief from this friendship breakup. #Depression #Loneliness #PTSD #Autism

I’ve got new questions, new experiences.
New dilemmas that bring a lot of dis-ease to my life and would love someone to hash those out with me.
It’s heavy stuff, hard topics(like really really heavy, personal, vulnerable)but I’m hopeful someone can help out.
Someone who’s an adult and can talk about things *like an adult, judgement free*.

Not that I assume everyone here can’t handle it but I know some can.
This is basically like… my trigger warning tbh.

I’ve missed you guys and can’t wait to meet more of you because I know there are more of you I haven’t met!

So yeah please come say hi!!
Even if you can’t hold space for me right now.
I can also hold space if need be.
It’s a lonely world out there:)
Come chat please❤️

Hi, my name is crog17. I'm worried about constant feelings of loneliness and depression

#MightyTogether #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Lots of people like spring and summer, but it's clearly not my case. April's weather variations get my flares to the roof. I mean, in a span of a week, my city went from 30°C to -1°C... And I swear I literally feel it in my joints. POTS makes me hate summer as I cannot function in temperatures above 22°C, and immediately pass out whenever temperature hits 36°C (which happens more and more). I tend to think of myself as a weird animal that needs to hibernate, but in summer ;-D (i think that's called estivation ?)

Another problem for me is the loneliness. Where I live, university stops around mid-april. Friends go back to their parents. And we don't get all these occasions to see each other that we had when we still had to go to class... And because I have to change majors for health reasons, I won't see most of them as much next year. I don't know my future classmates yet. This leaves me almost four months alone, and even if I'm a solitary girl I still need some close interaction... But combining chronic pain, autism and the need to meet new people is a hard thing to do. I hope I will find a way, eventually.

I will end this rant on a positive thing I like about spring and summer, because it's important to be grateful : FOOD ! All the delicious fruits, salads, cold drinks... I love it !