Loneliness

I find it very suffocating to not feel understood.

Why is it so difficult to understand someone who is literally speaking their heart out. I can go on explaining myself for days yet I fail to convey my message.

What am I doing wrong? Why does nobody understand me? Why does it bother me so much? How can I cope?

I want to feel whole on my own. I don't want to depend on anyone for validation of my feelings. Please advice.

#Anxiety #Selfhate #SelfDoubt #Loneliness

I am a sexual assault and abuse survivor and a transgender man. I want to make one thing clear—I was always transgender, long before I experienced sexual abuse and assault. These two things did not cause each other.

Through doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) therapy this past year as well as IFS (Internal Family Systems) I have come process my teen sexual assault as well as uncover and confirm childhood sexual abuse. I also had recently come out as transgender and bisexual. This last year had been a confusing time (2022) but also a healing time. I want to share to other members of the LGBTQIA+ community (and really, anyone) that has been sexually assaulted or abused in any way, shape, or form, that you are not broken or any less because of it, even if it feels that way. Your transness or queerness did not come from being assaulted or abused; you are perfect the way you are, and I’m sorry you’ve been hurt in such an intimate, violating way.

Here are some affirmations and tips for those coping with the aftermath of sexual assault or abuse:

1. You are perfect the way you are AND your traumas are completely valid.

2. Your traumas are real and no one can take that away from you AND you can heal.

3. Recovery is not linear.

4. Your identity as a part of the LGBTQIA+ community is a beautiful thing AND can give you a sense of community and hope.

5. You are never alone, even during the moments it feels like it AND at the same time, those feelings of loneliness are valid and real.

6. Drink warm tea, lay under a weighted blanket, find your safe space, find your safe people—your body and emotions may feel dysregulated and there are ways to cope.

7. Your inner child or teenager or whatever age you experienced trauma needs you—and you need them. It is okay to have conversations with your younger self, and this is best done in a therapist’s office but can also be done on your own if you feel safe enough.

8. You might be battling addictions (including but not limited to: substance abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, sex addiction, codependency) alongside your trauma—12 step groups and other kinds of support groups like SMART recovery or trauma groups are available online and/or in person.

9. YOU ARE LOVED. And even if you can’t think of a person that loves you, as odd as this may sound, I do.

10. Reach out to RAINN hotline if you’re in crisis or need someone to discuss your situation with. They’ve helped me in the past.

Sending love and light to you all. This has been a life long struggle for me, and I often feel an added layer of shame as a transgender man. I’m learning to let that shame and guilt go, one day at a time.

Much love,

Kaden

Anyone else experience literal pain in their heart/ chest when feeling depressed, lethargic and alone? I’m feeling so sad I’ve had no energy for days. #Depression #Loneliness #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #singleparent

Today is such a hard day. EVERYTHING hurts. And I mean everything. Every muscle. My back is excruciating. I could list every limb and section of my body.....it's all full of pain. Including my headache. I get severe headaches which more often than not coincide with flare ups of my CPS. Plus I am beyond exhausted and feel on the verge of tears every second. I am alone. If I was with anyone and could talk about it, they wouldn't understand anyway. It is such a draining and lonely disease or problem. I am breaking down. I am isolated. Inside I am screaming . I am on the edge. Please make it stop. #ChronicPain #ChronicPainSyndrome

I have finally given myself the permission to give myself Self-Love and Self-Care regularily! Not ONLY when it is an absolute necessity or CRISIS!!!
I have been in therapy since I was 21 and I'm turning 61 this month. I've been in and out of the psychiatric ward for years.
I believe some people think I'm a slow learner. It doesn't matter what other people think because I know in my heart I am doing my best. I am a Survivor of childhood abuse, domestic violence, systems of prostitution, and so many more acts of violence that I have no idea how to name them all. Getting help was the best thing I could have ever done for myself! I carried a lot of Shame. I now realize that I only made this decisions and acted the way I did with the information I had at the time. I got misinformation and outright LIED TO!
I was broken hurt and felt I had nowhere to turn. I went to professionals but the most important support I got was from other survivors. Now I am an advocate for those who have suffered long-term effects of abuse. I am not a professional only in the way that I have survived and learned some ways to cope. That doesn't mean I'm perfect and it doesn't mean I forget those skills that I learned, it just means I'm working on myself still and will until my last breath! I learned how to do things that make me happy and to put myself first because nobody else is going to! I learned how to get my needs met by being direct and setting clear boundaries and if people did not respect my boundaries they were out of my life! I never learned how to do these things as a victim of abuse as a child but now I am a grown woman and have to remind myself I have choices! I find that this site is very helpful because people have a great exchange of ideas and are very helpful. When I first started in recovery it felt a very lonely for a while it made room in my life as I had time to find and develope healthy relationships through seeking out healthier people.
I have 36 years sober and drug free but it is still not been easy and I continue to go for support for this and my mental health issues.
I'm part of an organization that helps adult survivors of child abuse and I never talked about it because I didn't Escape from my biological father until I was 21 years old! That was what held so much of my shame! I was not guilty of anything I was a child!
When I did become an adult I did not have the skills to get away!
If any of you feel alone in anything that I've shared please comment below and hopefully somebody out there can understand and you can connect on a level that people who have not been abused may never ever know.

I discovered that I had CPTSD only a few years ago. As I look back on my life, I see a trail of repeat behaviors. I am fiercely independent. I couldn’t do group projects in school or college. I didn’t trust anyone to carry their weight. When I started working, I had trouble with bosses and authority. I wasn’t great at teamwork but I could manage my own projects just fine. I have been a loner. Every romantic relationship was fraught with conflict. I didn’t believe anyone really loved me. I pushed and pulled. I picked fights and cried a lot. I have 1:1 friends, not groups. I now live in a condo building and I don’t get along with my neighbors. The truth is—I don’t like many people. I barely like myself.I don’t trust people; I rely on myself. And I am lonely a lot even though I’d rather be alone. I hate to say it, but I am also what’s considered “middle age.” I still feel like a child trying to find a place to belong. And it makes me sad that what had happened to me in my childhood prevents me from becoming who I might’ve once had the potential to become. I’m a survivor. I’m still here. But I wish I could break this pattern. I wish I could embrace friends and teams and relationships. I’m not sure my brain and my body want that. My insides are wired to be hyper vigilant, to resist closeness and protect myself from getting hurt—emotionally and physically. I know this is my pattern. I see it. And yet, I can’t change the me that was carefully constructed to put on armor to survive.

#ComplexPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
#CPTSD
#Childhoodtrauma