I am a sexual assault and abuse survivor and a transgender man. I want to make one thing clear—I was always transgender, long before I experienced sexual abuse and assault. These two things did not cause each other.
Through doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) therapy this past year as well as IFS (Internal Family Systems) I have come process my teen sexual assault as well as uncover and confirm childhood sexual abuse. I also had recently come out as transgender and bisexual. This last year had been a confusing time (2022) but also a healing time. I want to share to other members of the LGBTQIA+ community (and really, anyone) that has been sexually assaulted or abused in any way, shape, or form, that you are not broken or any less because of it, even if it feels that way. Your transness or queerness did not come from being assaulted or abused; you are perfect the way you are, and I’m sorry you’ve been hurt in such an intimate, violating way.
Here are some affirmations and tips for those coping with the aftermath of sexual assault or abuse:
1. You are perfect the way you are AND your traumas are completely valid.
2. Your traumas are real and no one can take that away from you AND you can heal.
3. Recovery is not linear.
4. Your identity as a part of the LGBTQIA+ community is a beautiful thing AND can give you a sense of community and hope.
5. You are never alone, even during the moments it feels like it AND at the same time, those feelings of loneliness are valid and real.
6. Drink warm tea, lay under a weighted blanket, find your safe space, find your safe people—your body and emotions may feel dysregulated and there are ways to cope.
7. Your inner child or teenager or whatever age you experienced trauma needs you—and you need them. It is okay to have conversations with your younger self, and this is best done in a therapist’s office but can also be done on your own if you feel safe enough.
8. You might be battling addictions (including but not limited to: substance abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, sex addiction, codependency) alongside your trauma—12 step groups and other kinds of support groups like SMART recovery or trauma groups are available online and/or in person.
9. YOU ARE LOVED. And even if you can’t think of a person that loves you, as odd as this may sound, I do.
10. Reach out to RAINN hotline if you’re in crisis or need someone to discuss your situation with. They’ve helped me in the past.
Sending love and light to you all. This has been a life long struggle for me, and I often feel an added layer of shame as a transgender man. I’m learning to let that shame and guilt go, one day at a time.
Much love,
Kaden