Struggling with Social Anxiety and Feeling Left Behind
Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling with social anxiety for most of my life, and it’s really hard for me to reach out or connect with others. I’m a very quiet, shy person, full of anxiety and I often find myself holding back because I fear being judged or misunderstood. I don’t easily start conversations, and I communicate through posts instead of direct messages because that feels safer to me.
But here’s the thing: I’ve been left on read, ignored, or blocked so many times that it’s become difficult for me to trust that anyone will actually stick around. It’s really painful when I’ve been told I’m important and that people care, but then they disappear or stop talking to me. Every time that happens, I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself, and I pull back even more. I get upset, frustrated, and angry because I don’t want to go through the same thing again, but sometimes my emotions just spiral out of control. I’ve screamed, cried, and lashed out, especially when I feel judged, ignored, or hurt too many times. It gets to the point where I’m just tired of being let down over and over again.
I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’ve lost my best friend. She was someone I used to talk to every day, but lately, it seems like she’s been focusing on other people and giving them her time and attention. I’ve tried to tell her how much she means to me and how much I need her, but it feels like she’s just not making time for me anymore. No calls, no texts, no effort on her part. It hurts, and I just feel forgotten, replaced, and alone.
I know I don’t reach out like others do, and it’s not that I don’t care or want to connect—I do. But people say "reach out," and I want to, but it's not that simple. It’s hard for me, and I find myself stuck in a cycle of fear. I don’t think I should have to change who I am to get the care, attention, and friendship that I deserve. I want to be accepted for who I am, for just being myself, and I shouldn't have to change to be liked or valued. I worry a lot about being judged, looked at weird, or even bullied because of my disability, and that’s why I avoid crowds and bigger social situations. It’s overwhelming, and I often end up withdrawing, staying at home, and shutting myself off from the world.
Dealing with my emotions has been incredibly difficult, and at times, it feels like I can't keep it all inside. The constant judgment, being ignored, and hurtful experiences have made it so hard to stay calm. I get to the point where I lash out or just break down because it all becomes too much. It has made me realize that a job would be too stressful for me. The thought of constantly switching tasks and dealing with changes at work would likely make me angry and cause me to lash out at coworkers, just like I’ve been in situations in the past where I couldn’t handle the pressure, and it didn’t end well. Even though some people tell me I should get a job, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and I won’t get one even if I was financially struggling. It’s hard taking care of myself and making decisions for myself as it is, but avoiding things altogether due to my anxiety just makes it worse. I would avoid doing anything alone, going anywhere, making phone calls, or setting appointments, or anything that makes me nervous. It all just builds up, causing my anxiety to get worse. Besides, it would affect the check I get every month, and at the end of the day, I will do what I feel comfortable with. Staying at home and keeping myself busy is where I feel safest.
I know it’s hard for others to understand this, but it’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life. I don’t want to keep going through this cycle of trying, only to end up ignored or replaced by someone else. I just want friends who will mean what they say, who will be there when I’m struggling, and who will stick around even when things aren’t perfect. I’ve tried my best to get my best friend’s attention in my own way, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I feel like I’m always putting myself out there only to be ignored, and it’s hard not to feel like I’m too much or like I don’t fit in.
I’ve been trying for so long, and it’s exhausting. I’ve spent so much time feeling alone in this, and it’s getting harder and harder to trust that anyone will stay. I haven’t had friends to hang out with in years, and I’ve found it so difficult to meet up with people because I don’t go anywhere alone. My mom works, and I don’t drive, so I’m really stuck when it comes to making plans. It’s frustrating and lonely, but I also know I’m not the only one struggling with this.
Believe me, it isn’t that I haven’t tried—because that is still me reaching out and communicating.
At the end of the day, I just want to be accepted for who I am, flaws and all. It’s hard enough to navigate through my anxiety and emotions, and sometimes it feels like I’m fighting a battle alone. But I’m lucky to have my boyfriend. He gives me everything that friends can’t, even though it’s hard sometimes because he has autism. He’s said things he truly means, and he’s promised me everything. I love him, care about him, and don’t want to be alone. He has always treated me right and has always taken care of me, never once caring that I’m dependent because it doesn't bother him. I am not independent and I don't plan to be either. I will be moving back to him when he gets a new place, and I’m looking forward to that.
I just want to get away from the environment where I feel like I don’t belong—where friends ignore me and my stepdad constantly puts me down by calling me names and judging everything about me, even things like how I look or what music I listen to, calling it “witchcraft” and criticizing my taste. My mom drinks to cope with everything going on in her life, but I can’t make her stop drinking or get help when she won’t, at least not right now. She’s stuck in this situation where she can’t leave because of the bills. She would move to Atlanta with my sister if it ever happens, hopefully by September. I always try to keep my hopes up, but I know it might not happen the way I want it to. I don’t think she’ll get the help she needs because she’s too busy working, and she doesn’t want to be controlled.
But through all of this, I just want to be seen and understood for who I am, without judgment or rejection. I want to be accepted and loved for who I am—no changes needed. If you can relate to any of this, know you’re not alone, and maybe together we can start finding the acceptance and peace we deserve.
"I just want to be understood for who I am, with everything I go through. If I choose to handle things my own way, that's my decision. I don’t want anyone telling me how to live my life or what I should do. I appreciate empathy, but I don’t need advice unless I ask for it. Please respect my boundaries and understand that I’m navigating everything in my own way. Thank you for respecting that."
Can anyone else relate?
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