Loneliness

I wish a few select people I still have contact with would spend some time with me (an entire day/weekend), so they could see for themselves just how badly my quality of life is due to my declining mental and physical health.
I have no help with things I cannot do alone, (surgeries put off because I have no help at the hospital or recuperating).

People have offered help with small things, but when I ask directly, they ignore me, so how could they possibly mean it? How can I depend on someone else when I can’t depend on myself any longer to care?

I spend ALL of my time alone except for my dog. I tell people who know me and say they care that loneliness will be what gets me in the end. I mean that.
Then there’s silence. WHY do I keep doing this when nobody cares?

I have been told I have BPD. I am struggling with extreme emptiness, loneliness and sadness. I think it's a combination of things. I grew up in a toxic house with abusive people. I left 2 toxic friendships. My kids have left home and I moved to a different province. I have not had a friend in 9 years. What also makes this tough is that I have a back injury so I don't work. I deal with physical pain. I have been working really hard to change that. I am shy, insecure and I don't trust easily. I am married, but I guess I'm really craving women to women conversations. Like friends to go out and have dinner dates, coffee/tea dates, shopping together, going to a pub together etc. My husband knows that I'm lonely and unhappy, but he lacks empathy. I'm in a state of crisis internally. When I'm stressed and sad by this I end up with pain. I think my nerves are triggering my pain. Other than my kids who I won't burden with my mental health, I truly feel alone in this world. My anxiety prevents me from stepping out of my comfort zone. Even if I wanted to, I don't have a way around and I have checked for support groups, ads, fb groups and advertising and there is nothing. I don't have a support system. I need conversation and human interaction.

If any is interested to know more about, I would share a post with link to a international site, about MECFS/along covid, where they explain about this and more.

I don’t like to post information about disorders, unless someone ask them. I don’t like someone feel pushed or such. Since I was diagnosed, I have been searching info about ME, and these people are serious and share a lot of info. About some documental/films too.

So if yes, please let me know in comments, and I would be pleased to post for you having ME.

Thanks for reading, wishing a great weekend!

#MECFS #Fibromyalgia #RA #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #Loneliness