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12 Texts That Got Me Through My Suicidal Thoughts at Night

It’s been a tough couple weeks. From being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to a return of daily panic attacks, to suicidal thoughts that have been worse than ever, I am struggling. I’ve spent most nights the last few weeks crying behind closed doors, pleading with myself to just hold on one more day. I’ve struggled with chronic passive suicidal thoughts for years, but recently, they’ve been stronger and louder than ever. I often cry myself to sleep, hoping the morning won’t come. Like I said, it’s been a dark couple weeks.

That being said, I have amazing friends. I feel guilty reaching out and it’s so much easier for me to crawl in my own head and isolate, but at the end of the day, I know there are people in my corner. And as much as I don’t want to reach out, the tiny piece of me fighting to stay knows when I need to speak up to keep myself safe. I don’t take for granted for a second how blessed I am to have such an amazing support system. I know not everyone does and I count it an absolute privilege to have the people in my life that I do. From my church community to incredible friends, roommates and mentors, I am so thankful. Though these weeks have been rough, here are 12 texts that have gotten me through the nights I wasn’t sure I would make it.

1. “I love you and you’re going to get through this. You always do.”

2. “You’re not the worst. And I understand why you’re feeling this way based on things you’ve said. Because you’ve made it another year way past you thought you would. But you are not a burden. And no one wants you gone. You shouldn’t have been gone a long time ago and I know that because you’re still here.”

3. “If you want some company, or someone to just sit with let me know! I just got a little puppy and she is a bundle of joy, if you want to come hang out and just unwind at my house you’re welcome to!”

4. “I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels. That’s why I’m so amazed by you and your strength. Because what you face is something I can’t even imagine and you continue to face it daily. I’m so proud to walk alongside you and call you my friend.”

5. “Texting in hopes that I’m not overstepping, but if you need someone to talk with I’m here! But will most definitely be praying for God’s peace to just surround you and for light! Love you girl.”

6. “I hear you love. You are strong enough, you are enough, you are victorious.”

7. “You. Are. Not. Too. Far. Gone. You never have been. That is a lie in and of itself.”

8. “Don’t apologize, you’re not a burden. Please don’t think you’re a burden. Thank you for reaching out to me.”

9. “Stop. Call me. Do you need help? I’m not going to bed until I know you’re safe.”

10. “You’re never a bother.”

11. “Please be safe though and don’t forget that you’re not a burden, you’re a woman put on this earth by God for a reason and you are loved and I’m going to continue praying for you. Please message me when you wake up. I hope you’re able to find enough peace tonight to get some rest.”

12. “You know how much I love you, right? Like I want to throw a rock at you to show you (in a nice way). Call me if you need tonight. I’m keeping my sound on.”

I hope you can find some comfort in these words, too, because they are as true for you as they are for me (even if our brains tell us otherwise). You are loved. You matter. We need you here. People do care, and you have a whole community here on The Mighty cheering you on and supporting you. Keep fighting for better days, and I’ll be right here alongside you. We’ll get there together.

P.S. Biggest thank you in the world to all the people who sent these texts. I love you all more than words can say.

Getty Images illustration via Bakhauaddin-bek Sopybekov