Today was not a good day. #PTSD #DysfunctionalFamily #Depression #PanicAttack #Relationships
I woke up to a phone call that I didn’t recognize from my home town, I thought it was my son calling to tell me my mom died , but instead it was my mom. I haven’t talked to her since last November when my oldest brother died from a heart attack. She couldn’t say one loving or kind word about her own son, instead she ran him down and didn’t shed one tear. I got mad and she actually laughed at me. I told her she was sick, I hung up the phone and blocked her number. I thought that was the last I was going to hear from her again, until today. My heart rate increased, practically pounding out of my chest at the beginning of the call and I regressed to a child. I endured about an hour of narcissistic abuse today. I have been sick all day. Panicking, head hurting, feeling like there was a ball in the pit of my stomach. Then, I had to go to Walmart to pickup my meds and was afraid of being targeted for abuse again, or retaliation for standing up for myself the other day. Thankfully, my Doctor prescribed me an antidepressant, that I just started today, I’m hoping will help, because I’m a wreck. I ran into an old bully at the store and felt like I just couldn’t find a safe place today. I had to sell a device that I didn’t want and I will not name, but is potentially unsafe for someone with mental illness, that was traumatic, because I inherited it from dad, and I felt like I betrayed him. I tried to get rid of something else, by being a responsible citizen and taking it to the police, (which was nerve racking), to no avail both police stations were closed. All in all, I wanted to just ball up in the floor at wal-mart and cover my head and cry like a baby and beg people to leave me alone. Life fucking sucks sometimes. Thankfully, I have my spouse and pets, or I wouldn’t be here.