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The Help

The other day I was watching The Help again. If you haven't seen it you should. The story line of Celia Foote always gets me. She has about 3 miscarriages and each time she plants a rose bush in the yard. This year on the anniversary of what would have been my baby's due date I will plant something for them since gardening is my passion.


Thoughts #Abortion

My heart heals and breaks all the time when I think of you. I don't cry for you every day like I did, but some weeks are better than others. Some times I think about you a lot. Other times it's through little passing moments and I can move forward. Your brother wishes for a sibling and I'm sorry I couldn't give him one then or now, but one day I believe I will. Whether they are blood related or not will not matter to me or him I am certain.
Yesterday we spent time with friends and their 3 girls. Seeing him play with them brings joy to my heart and I hope they will always be close. Their youngest girl I feel a close bond with. Yesterday my heart was warm. At one moment though my heart cracked when she looked at me and said "Mom! Mom!" which made me wonder what if I had kept my child? What if my child had been a girl? Is this what it would have been like? She clung to me for a lot of the day. When her mom had stepped away and she was crying and tired her dad offered to hold, but she pulled away from his outreach and put herself against me. I held her, I rocked her, I rubbed her back, I pushed her hair out of her eyes. I wanted to bottle the feelings I had to keep. I tried not to cry. I miss when my child was younger. I wish I hadn't suffered from PPD and anxiety for the first year of his life. I wish it hadn't made my regular depression and anxiety worse after that. I'll always cherish these moments though.

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Almost there

To anyone who celebrates it happy Imbolc! Today is celebrated as a fire festival and associated with fertility, this is a midpoint between the winter solstice and spring equinox in March. I will be burning a fire, blowing cinnamon and salt into my home and restarting for the month. It's the first day of the second month. Hang on for a little longer please. #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #Abortion

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Dirty Dancing

I have always loved this movie, but I truly began to appreciate it years ago when I put it together that Penny (female dancer) has to get an illegal #Abortion years before Roe vs Wade was put into effect. It shows how without proper training and care it goes so horribly wrong for females. I'm watching the movie now and the way they describe it 'dirty knives, a folding table, hearing Penny screaming from the hallway' it's vague, but it gets the point across. We need movies like these in today's world.

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