Anchor

On days like to day?

Today I woke up and straight away I know how to day was going to plan out.
Straight away struggling to even roll over in bed, before even attempting to get my self up, I struggle to move to get my pain killers, hoping if I take them early enough they will kick in before actually having to get out of bed...

Already I’m in tears and my head going to the deepest darkest places.
Begging for away out of the constant cycle of trying to cope with every day life through the pain in my body and the pain within my head.

And within the minutes that passed that seemed to be an eternity, my dog mitzy gets up as gently as physically possible for her, snuggle into me and start kissing away the tears streaming my face and neck. And instantly I feel more guilty with the thoughts of just wanting not to be any more, how could I leave the unconditional love she gives me , no matter my mood or state of mind, if I’m angry, sad hyper , in pain or just plain out of it , she is there by my side, after each operation she is there trying to lick and take care of the wounds, if I’m poorly she won’t let any one near me .

Even with my loved ones I always think they will have one less burden in life without me . One less pain to deal with . And a hell of a lot less stress. It didn’t stop me from trying me before ...
But her this beautiful source of joy and happiness the one being on this earth that hasn’t left me for someone else or something better.

She is what in the last 3 yers been my anchor, my dearest companion, and my truest of loves....

And all she asks for is love cuddles and when I am up to it go for a a lovely slow walk. And lots of kisses ..

What helps anyone else stay grounded?? #Fibromyalgia #Depression #Anchor #darkhole #darkthoughts #ChronicPain