My company sucks, even to myself
It is the vacation period and my friends are spending time with their loved ones. I am happy for them.
I don't have family support and am single, so I do feel extremely lonely at times like this. I don't think I want to keep bothering my friends. Vacations are precious, and I don't want my dull mood to bring gloom to people who matter to me.
I know I should pick up a book or go for a walk. But I am not in the mood for anything in my own company. Not today. Haha. I even detest my own company, so I think it is even more so for my friends.
My list of work tasks is still long but I do not want to switch on the work laptop.
Does the post make sense? #Depression #Loneliness #darkthoughts
What do I want?
It is 9.38am, and I am still in bed. I have work to do, but I don't feel like doing it. I know that a walk outside now will help, but I don't want to walk alone. I want to just end this. I want to reach out to my friends to tell them how I feel but I don't want to trouble or impose on anyone. It is a Sunday morning and I am a 41 year old. Surely, I can do better than imposing on people who matter to me? I want to end this rut. This useless pain. But I want to hold on too, to see if things will get better. What do I want? #useless #Depression #darkthoughts
When i was re-listing to a #artist music i used to listien to all the time. It just brought back my old emotions and feelings and negative things all over again. You understand your mind just goes back to stuff. Some things you don't always wanna remmeber. It was a time when my #Depression was higher and #darkthoughts . So yeahMaybe one time i can go back and listien to that music again. Or maybe sometimes we can't go back we need to move on/forward.
Today was a sunny day. It was warm but now it's a little chilly.
My perception of my own thoughts TW #SuicidalThoughts
If someone else were to share with me the thoughts that have been going through my head lately, I would be seriously concerned for them. But, somehow, when these dark thoughts are in my own head, they seem quite normal. I've lived with similar thoughts for years, and they are just a bit worse than usual, right? I feel that I don't know how to appropriately assess my own thoughts because I'm just so used to them. I spoke with my therapist this morning and she was definitely concerned and started talking with me about the possibility of making a visit to the hospital. It's just hard to know - when are these thoughts just run of the mill depression heightened by life stress vs. go get help now thoughts? How do you figure this out?
So, I'm new here and I woke up kinda down. I don't really know why but when I woke up, I just wanted to go back to sleep. After not sleeping really well for a few hours then tossing and turning, listening to music, than reading fanfiction about my anime. I cut different parts, just small ones, and I just want to actually sleep.