Hello family (if can actually call you that) I would like to share my first post... I am from Kenya that's in Africa and am a mother but I know am failing in that part of my life... I try so hard to bond with my son who is seven now but it's proving difficult, he is so attached to me but I tend to push him away... I like being locked up in my room to be all alone and I don't want to pick my phone when it rings, I don't want to talk to anyone and I have suicidal thoughts... It's been going on for some time now since January... I moved in with my mum who has been diagnosed with leukaemia and it's not an easy thing for us in Africa at all but that's not issue at hand... My family is not supportive of me in any way, all they see is a lazy person and am ever receiving negative comments, insults, curses and all these pain me... You see in Africa they don't see anxiety as a challenge but rather a choice of laziness, I have been depressed and I don't know how to face people... My career is also going down the drain as am in the entertainment sector and I really can't afford a smile anymore... I prefer to be left alone... The other day when we went to work, I just broke down in the middle of the shoot and I couldn't explain why... I cried for hours and my moods went off for days and I didn't perform well... I am never hungry so I don't eat... Sometimes when I try to talk to someone I end up digressing from the topic and people say am abnormal but it's all ok... I also don't like my things being touched at all and when they are I feel like anxiety attacks creeping in on me... I can rant for hours and get fatigued easily... I really don't know what to say coz there is just so much going on and I don't know whom to talk to... Also am not able to see a counselor or therapist or psychiatrist at all... Can someone advise me on what exercises to do so can feel better when need be please???