Canadian here. I really don't know what to say other then I am so lonely for friendship. I haven't had a friend for 9 years. I also moved to a new city 9 years ago. I'm shy and I have mental health issues. Thankfully mental health is something we can talk about on here. I'd you'd like to talk with me, I would be happy to keep the conversation going.
Stressed and not up for celebrating
It's almost my birthday, but I don't feel like celebrating. These last six weeks have been a series of stressors and now I'm just maxed out. I'm feeling perpetually overwhelmed, anxious, lonely and full of rage. Then I feel bad for even having those feelings, like I'm ungrateful or something. (It’s so fun judging your own feelings 🥺) Some good stuff is happening next week, but it's wrapped in a heavy blanket of stress. I've cried everyday for the last six days....ugh. #Anxiety #Overwhelm #Rage
With in this year
I have been told I have BPD. I am struggling with extreme emptiness, loneliness and sadness. I think it's a combination of things. I grew up in a toxic house with abusive people. I left 2 toxic friendships. My kids have left home and I moved to a different province. I have not had a friend in 9 years. What also makes this tough is that I have a back injury so I don't work. I deal with physical pain. I have been working really hard to change that. I am shy, insecure and I don't trust easily. I am married, but I guess I'm really craving women to women conversations. Like friends to go out and have dinner dates, coffee/tea dates, shopping together, going to a pub together etc. My husband knows that I'm lonely and unhappy, but he lacks empathy. I'm in a state of crisis internally. When I'm stressed and sad by this I end up with pain. I think my nerves are triggering my pain. Other than my kids who I won't burden with my mental health, I truly feel alone in this world. My anxiety prevents me from stepping out of my comfort zone. Even if I wanted to, I don't have a way around and I have checked for support groups, ads, fb groups and advertising and there is nothing. I don't have a support system. I need conversation and human interaction.
My cousins called 3 times this week and for about 3 hoursish. Then tonight called again. Called 3 times cuz no one answered. 3 times a week is kind of enough. I know he gets #lonely . Then i do feel guilty for not wanting to talking. If i answered the phone he would of just asked for my dad anyways. I had #socialtime today already.
Then today at the home there was another person with #dislitby . The workers complained about this person being "Hard" to work with and shold be with a male worker. They said they rather work with me cuz im easier to work with. Cuz im quit and polite easy going person. So yeah. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MightyTogether
Lately I've had a lot of trouble getting anything done. I've had several health flares from lymphedema and fibromyalgia, as well as IBS. My thyroid is a little over-productive right now and it's hard to concentrate on much of anything for any length of time. I have a lot of things going unfinished around here, and I'm finding dishes scattered from room to room.
The good news is, I'm keeping up a little better with my medications, and I've been going to a clinic which seems to really be looking after my best interests. I'm still scared that I'm going to run out of money before the next time I'm paid, but so far it's been okay.
I'm very lonely and very frustrated, and I can't even think of anything I'd like to do. I don't have a vehicle after the wrecking the van (I think I was dissociating), so there isn't much I could manage anyhow. #Lymphedema #Fibromyalgia #thyroid #medications
This group is now a private- full privacy- group!
Who cares about me!? Nobody!!! I have nobody. I’m alone. I loved my husband so much. He hurt me. He cheated on me. He gaslighted me for years. He left and I’m still suffering. I reach out to people but everyone is busy with their own lives. People say “I’m here if you need me” and now that I need them, nobody is here. I cry myself to sleep. Trying not to be too Loud so the kids don’t hear me. I know I have to be strong but I don’t want to. I want my husband back. But he doesn’t want me. He makes that clear. How could he just walk away after 16 years. I stayed with him through so much when I should have left him. I’m just so alone and lonely. What’s the point anymore.