askingforafriend

HONEST TALK 🥺

Sometimes it’s like there is some sort of a disconnect..

Like the thoughts and the feelings aren’t on the same page. Their like in different chapters. Sometimes even different stories all together. Meh. I like the line “I’m a war of head versus heart. My head is weak, my heart always speaks before I know what it will say”. I mean that’s just barely scratching the surface but you catch my drift. Something about my mind always tells me it’s now or never. Like very all or nothing. Do or die. Sleep when you’re dead type thinking. Carpe Diem right?

I guess. It works sometimes. Other times it definitely doesn’t as you can imagine. Other people also don’t get it and hate it sooo there’s that too lol. Couple that with social anxiety it’s like a perfectly confusing and off putting personality I’m sporting over here! 😅 At least sometimes. Right? I sure hope so.. I think sometimes my “dark” moments combined with my “lighter” moments make me seem chaotic but I promise that nothing brings me the satisfaction that organization does! I think sometimes that’s definitely part of why I get so hard with myself. I can organize what’s in front of me. Toddler toy tornado all over the living room? I got it covered. Laundry piles falling over themselves? I’ll knock it out. Need to talk out all your thoughts? I’m your ear and I’ll get the wine bottle.

Telling you how I feel and it making sense in a way you can understand? Count me out. That’s where I definitely drop the ball. I always tell myself it’s better to just stay quiet and keep everything to myself cuz it’s easier that way. It’s not though. Not in the slightest. I guess. All the things I feel are a little too much for me to swallow sometimes so I figure how could anyone else? How could I expect them to? And what if they aren’t okay? What if all the things I feel and think aren’t okay? I mean I did say after all that they are never in the same page as each other. Am I alone in that though? Is it just this mind of mine only? Am I destined to always be up and down? Back and forth? Hot and cold? #BipolarDisorder #Depression #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder