Bipolar Disorder Is the Roller Coaster Nobody Wants to Ride
Bipolar disorder is not what people often think it is. It is not a constant hot-and-cold mood that seems to fluctuate within any given moment. It is weeks of mania or depression. When in mania, the onset of depression can feel like a crash that you didn’t see coming. For someone experiencing the wave of depression, the onset of mania can feel like a shock and a welcome change.
I have bipolar 2 disorder. This means I have mostly depressive symptoms with short periods of hypomania. While I know how to deal with my depressive states and care for my mind and body during those times, I am always chasing the next phase of mania so I can feel better. I just want to feel anything but sad.
Bipolar disorder is the roller coaster no one wants to ride. Even with the right medication, supplements and exercise routine, the symptoms change, and the unknown of the next wave of something is frustrating. For those of us that live with bipolar, we have to find our stride. As out of control we feel knowing that as we climb the hill up, we will zoom down the hill — in these moments, it’s not as exhilarating as a real coaster.
So, do we live for the high, or do we act in constant preparation of the crash? That’s the dilemma. In my mania, I don’t want to and often can’t think about depression. I’m so relieved for the days and sometimes weeks of happiness and productivity. But if I don’t keep at the forefront of my mind that I have to prepare my care toolkit, depression hits me harder than usual and I feel just as unprepared as the first time I experienced a crash.
What’s in a toolkit? It’s binge-watching, reflection, writing or journaling, therapy and good food. Sometimes in the low moments, a nice bath or a long run is what’s needed to just tread water. During the mania, it’s grounding exercises. Lots of oils, grounding, budgeting and consolidating ideas. It’s limiting drinking and planning the healthiest friends to be around in order to limit or avoid reckless behavior.
Be prepared. No one deserves to suffer. However, bipolar disorder can feel like a cruel joke if you aren’t ready to tap into what your body and mind need. The roller coaster could either be one of the titans or it could be a kiddie ride. I hope, for you and for me, it’s the latter.
Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash