** trigger warning re: suicide**
Today marks 33 years since I lost my mother to bipolar disorder. Approximately six years ago, I was finally accurately diagnosed as bipolar II as well. This was a piece I wrote years ago, but I am quite proud of. Thank you for reading.
Dear Bipolar Disorder:
How I loathe you, and all that you have stolen from me and my loved ones. You took my mother from me at 18, but I knew your evil from long before. As a child, I knew you to be dangerous enough to tear families apart.
As an adult, you are my worst enemy and a pestilence that I cannot ever fully exterminate from my life. Bipolar disorder, you denied me a relationship with my mom as a friend, ally, and confidante. You have crushed generations of my family with your unrelenting weight, and I despise carrying your legacy in my blood.
You have stained nearly all of my memories of my mother, and besmirched the happy times as they never lasted long. You left deep scars on my soul each time Mom tried to surrender herself to you. The moment you claimed her life was when I knew you for the monster you are.
In time, I was forced to pick up the fight myself. Along with my sisters, I vow that you will never defeat us.
The sickeningly believable lies you have whispered took me down several regretful paths.
Bipolar disorder, I now recognize the havoc you wreaked during my most agonizing circumstances and lamentable life choices. Therefore, I steel myself against your darkness with all my might.
I bitterly swallow the cocktail of medications that makes this chemical imbalance stable enough to be a productive functioning member of society. Battling your viperous existence is utterly exhausting. There are many days my energy reserves run low, which forces me to stop and recharge.
Make no mistake bipolar disorder, my loved ones keep watch over me for the occasional occurrences in which you rear your ugly head.
With positivity, light, and unconditional love from family & friends, I shall keep you confined and tamed. I stand vigilant that you will not rule me. You will never again take away someone I love. You will not win bipolar disorder.
Know this, you will not ever win.