When I Realized Hypersexuality Was a Symptom of My Borderline Personality Disorder
My numbers are high. My list was so long, I simply stopped counting. My past is filled with many nights of mind-blowing promiscuity. From escorts to orgies, I’ve done it all. In hindsight, it wasn’t sexy, it certainly wasn’t healthy, but eventually I came to realize my hypersexuality was actually a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD).
While not all people who live with borderline personality disorder are hypersexual, many are, and it can make it very challenging to have a healthy, active, sexually intimate relationship.
Hypersexuality and BPD: The Root Causes
So, what triggers hypersexuality? It can stem from issues like childhood sexual assault, traumatic experiences, or abandonment. In my youth, my hypersexuality was certainly a sad need to be wanted and an attempt to fill the hole created by chronic feelings of emptiness.
In my later years, I was more consciously promiscuous to explore sexual boundaries. Sex was pathetic. And sex was rockstar awesome. It ran its course in a most beautiful yet destructive way. My psyche was simply not built for monogamy at this time.
Have you ever heard the term, “crazy women are good in bed”? This is such a gross stereotype I have heard and felt many times from men. Considering sexual behavior is sometimes a trauma response, or a desire to drown out deeply painful emotions, these comments can feel almost abusive.
Phrases like this create a narrative in the brain of the person struggling with BPD that prevents them from gaining clarity about who they really are.
As I sit now in a healthy, monogamous relationship, I can reflect with a more enlightened perspective. I see that most of my sexual activity was enacted because my brain got a payoff from connecting energetically so intimately.
I wanted the high. So, I got high, no matter the price to my self-esteem.
Do I regret it? Now that I work on a meaningful energetic level and realize that connecting with another human sexually creates soul bonds, let’s just say I have a lot of cord cutting to do.
It is my belief that experiencing an orgasm with another human is the closest we can get in 3D form to other dimensions and the highest level of manifestation we can reach.
The Importance of Non-Judgment
As you read my stories or listen to my podcast, we may disagree, as my experience will differ from yours. I respect your life experience, no matter where you stand. I invite you to respect mine as it is based in deep, experiential wisdom.
Did I have some fun? Yep!
Do I have some, “ew gross” regrets? Yep!
But next time you hear someone say, “crazy women are good in bed,” it might be wise to inform them that their wild abandon may be a trauma response to severe sexual abuse.
This is one small step in reshaping attitudes and stereotypes towards someone who’s overcoming mental struggles like BPD and sexual compulsive behavior.
Getty image by ferrantraite