brokendreams

I started to open up about something.
The next day someone very dear to me hurt me very badly, they cannot even accept that it was a miscommunication, they blacklisted me.
Now, my depression is worsening. I hurt. I want to cry, but as soon as I start to I get really really angry and shut it down.
I feel like I cannot trust anyone because if I say the wrong thing people will automatically turn their backs on me. Even after 8 years of always, always, having theirs.
I feel completely alone.
I am only writing this here because if I don't say it I know I won't. I don't expect any one to even care.
I want this year to end.
Hells, if I didn't want so badly to see my kids grow up to be happy adults, then I would actively want this planet to end.
I want things to stop eating away my dreams.
#Depression #lonely #PancreaticCancer #miscommunications #Emptiness #hollow #brokendreams

You invited me in,
Filled my head with promises of ecstasy and greatness
You made me believe you were different
You said you weren’t like all the others
You didn’t lie, not exactly.
But you didn’t tell me the whole truth either.
You forgot to mention the silent tears I’d cry almost every night.
You never told me my heart would break so many times over.
You didn’t mention that sometimes I’d wish for death.
You never told me my dreams would be broken.
I took your words at face value
And by the time I realized they were a mirage
It was too late to go back
I’ve got one month and 29 days left with you
I guess you sense it,
Because lately it seems like you’ve been trying to make it up to me
But I’m more than ready to move on
2020 promises me a wild ride
I’ll take it
Dear 2019,
You weren’t all you promised to be
And in some ways more
I’m not sorry to leave you behind.
Your’s sincerely,
Every Lost Soul
#Anxiety #Suicide #Depression