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the roomate..

I have a boyfriend. I live with my boyfriend and his two roomates one of which is his brother. I don't like his brother (he reeks of pee and just isn't a very good roomate due to uncleanness).. But the other roomate is his long time friend... I love my boyfriend.. But he doesn't do nearly as many small things for me as his long time friend does for me.... And it's really getting under my skin.... Like my boyfriend should be the one helping me carry things or helping me clean things... Or helping me with animal chores or any chores.... But no, my boyfriend doesn't offer to help me nearly as much... I am always thanking his friend.... Not him... And since my brain is so fucked up, it's leading to these weird thoughts! Like 'why can't my man be like his friend?!'... Idk how much I mean it since his friend recently got out of prison and doesn't have a car.... It's just it'd be nice if my boyfriend could be as attentive as his friend is for me..... #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Chronicpains


It's okey to be sad

No one really talks about the fact, that people who are having some type of chronic pain disorder that disables them are actually sad.

They are sad, because their old life is no longer there.

People are sad, that they had a plan for the future, they might have been picked to a school or found a job and then they got sick.

We are sad because we have to say goodbye, to the life we used to have, the life that was pain free, the life where we weren't fighting for our own health and well being. The life that was not filled with doctors appointments, the life where we could actually live and not just breathe.

I'm sad, because I got my dream job, now I can't work there anymore.
I was able to plan trips and parties, now I can't even promise if I can meet with someone tomorrow for coffee.
I lost pretty much all of my friends when I got sick.
I'm sad about the fact that I've been on a sick leave for over a year now.
I'm sad that I am so lonely.
I spend my days in bed, because I can't walk without getting the worst pain attacks that I have ever had in my life.
I'm so lonely, isolated from the world.
I can't date anyone, the last guy I was dating left me because I am so sick.

But being sick does not mean your life is ending.
I have had probably the biggest realization in my life just because I am sick.
So let's talk about all the amazing things I have found out just because I am sick.

I am happy, that all the toxic people who were in my life are now gone.
I am happy, that the most amazing people have stayed in my life and the love me and care about me.
I am happy, that I can tell people more about fibromyalgia and spread the awareness of this disease.
I am happy, that I can appreciate the little things in life, that I didn't before I got sick.
I am happy about the fact, that I know how to help others who are disabled the way I wanna be helped.
I am happy, that I found what I wanna do in the future, I know I am going to be a nurse someday and I can study at home without the pressure of school. I study just because I love anatomy and physiology so much!
I am happy, that this disease has made me so much stronger in every possible way there can be, mentally obviously, duh.
I am so happy, that now I know how to put words on my feelings and I know how to write about them.
I am so so so happy, that I have met the most amazing people around the world who knows what I am going through!

There is a lot to be sad about, there is so so so so much grief and tears and sadness, and that is so okey!!
There is no reason to be ashamed just because you are sad or that you cry.
But there is always something to be happy about!!

Here's my favorite quote ever;

"Staying positive does not mean you have to be happy all the time.
It means that even on hard days you know there are better ones coming”

Remember to love yourself!
I hope you are having a good day today!

#Fibromyalgia #Chronicpains #Positivity