concurrent

So I suffer from #Bipolar and #BPD and #Addiction. I was at a treatment centre that specialize in #concurrent disorders. I could only get threw 11 of the 21 days. I was di agitated and the started to cycle. They had a detox portion in the house and couldn't handle it. the last 3 days I cycled, jyst had to leave. only thing I feel good about was I didnt use and went to a meeting last night and today. cant get into to see my psychiatrist till Tuesday. but I cant seem to stop cycling.

I have been going threw hell for the last week or so. The thoughts of #Suicide . Has never been so strong I lashed out at everyone last week deleted all my friends on facebook not that I had many 😆. I had a planned date to take my life which was yesterday, just happen to be my birthday. My #use has been out or control to escape my thoughts. I am with the #concurrent disorders program at the local mental health they sent the police to check on me last week even lashed out at them and slammed the door. Dont know why I wasnt arrested. My case manager has made a emergency appt with my psychiatrist todat gut tells me when tje get me tjere I wont be leaving. I have mixed emtions about that. I thought this morning since I got past my set date to take my life and actully didnt even use i was maybe on the rebound but I feel well actully i feel that I am watching myself go back down that black hole and cant stop myself.. Yes I have been diagnosed with #BPD maybe veing admitted is the best thing