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Inside the Mind of Someone With Anxiety During the COVID-19 Outbreak

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With the fear of the coronavirus (COVID-19) looming over us, I can feel the fingers of my anxiety beginning to tighten around my neck. It’s like time is slowing down, and gradually, life is coming to an eerily silent halt. I keep trying to stay in the moment, but I can’t ignore the gnawing itch inside my brain that grows with every passing minute, making me want to reach inside my head and drag my nails over it.

I still have a job. I have people who love me and are here for me. My children are secure and content for the moment. And yet, this epidemic has found a way to sew the seeds of a gradual fear in my mind. It’s like a weed that refuses to be destroyed no matter how much I try.

And that is precisely the problem with anxiety. No matter how much you think you have a handle on it, I find it’s always looming overhead, waiting to settle on your face like a thick blanket, suffocating you.

I’m trying to tell myself what I’m feeling is normal, especially given the circumstances of what’s going on currently, and yet, there’s a part of me reprimanding myself for allowing the anxiety to gradually pervade my mind.

I have a constant, dull headache, reminding me I really can’t afford to sit back and relax, because at any point, it will grow and explode, causing me to want to curl up within myself, shut my eyes and never wake up again. How does one explain this to a loved one? How does one even begin to make sense of this irrational feeling that constantly exists within me?

There is no explanation some days. It just is. And I have to remember I am bigger than this parasite of an illness that threatens to pervade every cell of my mind. I have people who love and support me. I have medication that caters to the desperately needed equilibrium. I have professionals who I can reach out to for guidance. I have what I need, and all I need to do is reach out and ask for help.

If you can relate, let Meghana know in the comments below.

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Getty image by Ranta Images

Originally published: March 20, 2020
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