So, I have am seeing a guy whom I've known since for 16yrs. I left my husband who was #Abusive in every way in December 2018 3 days before I had a major 360 spinal fusion( I have severe #DegenerativeDiscDisease and severe #CyclicalVomiting Syndrome). Due to him not being a US citizen (I found out later that he was using me for citizenship along with my family's money), I had to postpone the divorce until he had permission to leave but during our separation, I reconnected with my friend last summer whom I'm seeing now and he was actually going through a very similar situation in that he was married for nearly 12yrs to an abusive woman & bc of how depressed he became bc of her abuse & lack of love, he became an #alcoholic & made bad decisions, he's sober now btw. He is currently in the process of divorcing her, they'd been separated for awhile, just as I am with my ex husband. we've both been very supportive of each other & admitted we had feelings for each other. He's moved back to my city sooner than expected bc some serious shit when down w/them while he'd been drinking & the neighbors called the cops so he was in jail for 2 days(she/neighbors have done this in the past & she accused him of hitting her while drunk but all those cases were dismissed as they were false claims) & he told me that all he could think of while in there was to get to me. Now, I was always respectful of their marriage bc he always mentioned how much he loved her & she finally agreed to couples therapy b4 they separated so I "friendzoned myself". He was already ready to leave her but another girl showed him attention, enough to give him more incentive to leave her, whereas I was respectful even though he liked me, i just didn't believe him. Once that girl found out that the papers were officially filed, she started ghosting him. I was there for him bc he felt used & stupid but was glad he finally left his wife & could come to me. Now that he's here, we spend nearly every day & night together. We slept together the first night & it was unexpected but I told him that I don't just have sex with just anyone anymore bc I've come a long way & I don't want to be a notch on his rebound belt. He said it wasn't like that & he cared about me & loved me more than just a friend but wasn't in love with me yet(I told him I felt the same), unlike the girl he slept with a month before & didn't really care about the girl who ghosted him. So though we're not in a relationship as we want to take things slow, we are sexually exclusive & don't even talk to other people. My ex husband said no one will ever truly love me nor want to be w/me bc of my health. I'd already had two guys decide not to be with me bc of my health. His words really damaged me & I have extreme abandonment https://issues.Bc of that & insecurities, I feel like I have to compete w/the ghost of the mother of his kids & the girl who ghosted him. those & my #BPD are pushing him away & idk how to stop pushing away/take things slow