Abusive

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    Mom

    My mom pasted away this past Tuesday. Her funeral is this coming Tuesday. She got what she thought was allergies on May 5th and then went down hill from there. It took my siblings and I a month to convince her to go to the doctor because she wasn't getting better. We found out at the very end, she had stage four cancer. How did she not know? How were there no signs or symptoms? I'm having anxiety about going to her funeral because my younger brother is one of those controlling toxic people. I had to block him on my phone because his text messages are abusive and all over the place. I come from an abusive family and I think that is one of the reasons I have pushed them away. I'm positive my brother is going to say stuff to me when I go to mom's funeral. I'm not sure how to handle him. He pushes and pushes until I can't take it anymore. He brings up things he knows will hurt me on purpose. My sister says that's between you and him. Then sa

    He says y'all have never gotten along. But she doesn't get it because he doesn't talk to her like he does me. I'm so anxious I can hardly eat. #mom #Anxiety #Abusive #Toxic #nauseous #Funeral #cancerous

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    Do all abusive parents/narcissistic parents not love their kids?

    This is something I have been wondering with my family. My parents have abused me horribly, and yet I still find myself wondering if they love/loved me

    I can recount positive memories and times where they showed it or tried to. They perhaps did love me in their own way, but not in a healthy enough way for my well being

    I sometimes feel irked by the mentality that all abusive parents are incapable of love

    #Abusive #abusiveparent #Love #unconditionallove

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    Suspected #Abuse of my friend

    While going on a hiking trip, my friend’s husband kept abusing her by calling her a spendthrift(while driving his new car), gaslighting her and yelling at her. It made me quite uncomfortable.
    Another time when we met at a restaurant, in the middle of lengthy conversation, as I kept talking about my recovery from ex husband’s abuse, he answered the phone and then said they have to go as their daughter has forgotten her home keys.
    I even joked that he made it up, so wouldn’t have to listen to me further, and after I got home, my friend called and apologised for his behaviour, as he really made it all up!
    What do you think about this?
    #PsychologicalAbuse #Abusive

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    Mothers

    How many times have you told her you hate her, called her horrible names, wished her death and loneliness? How many times have you intentionally manipulated, abused her? ... Us borderlines, we know our people too well, we know their triggers, fears, how their mind works. I've used my amazing bpd gifts against her at most times. I love her very much, but it's a toxic kind of love. I'm tired of apologizing, and surely sick of her always forgiving me. I want to set her free. She doesn't deserve to live a life in my shadow, I am her burden. I am as heavy as a gravestone, crushing her.
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    #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Toxic #Abusive #AbusiveRelationship #Parents #Parenting #Depression #fears

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    "I'm not asking for anything unreasonable". #Depression #PTSD #emotional Abuse #Abusive Parents #Abusive Kids #alone #Loneliness #I Matter

    "I'm not asking for anything unreasonable".
    Quote from somebody else's post.
    I needed that today. Long hx of childhood neglect by my mom & sexual abuse by my stepdad. Consequently gave & did everything for my own children.
    Unfortunately- Bcuz i always put them (my children) first, they now, as adults, put me last, throw me under the bus, tell lies about me, ridicule me, mock me, insult & criticize me.
    Putting them first was to me how a good parent should act. But it seems that doing that made my kids see me as a 2nd class citizen, not worthy of being put first, or Basic Caring & Understanding. I did it to honor them. They took my actions literally- as if in fact I did not matter.
    Last week my daughter called me Narcissist for wanting to have a celebration for my birthday. She called me other names as well. Its getting to the point where maintaining relationships with my kids just ends up in abuse for me.
    Dont get me wrong. I was no Wimp parent. There were consequences for actions and I did not allow my kids to treat me with disrespect when they were minors. But I would go without, so they could have what they needed. I supported & encouraged whatever they were interested in 100%. They had chores & we had a ton of Fun times.
    But Now, I am nothing to them but a Commodity to use, should i have something they want.
    Its hard- Im getting from my kids what i got from my mom. Feel like there is either something really wrong with me- or my Life is cursed- Lol. Struggling today.
    Anybody else do everything they could to be an Awesome Parent- just to get Sh*t on by yr Adult kids?
    & Plz no criticisms, judgements or lectures- full up on that from my kids!

    Question

    Hi, I’m new here. This is my first post. How do you deal with the chronic agonizing pain of fibro? I was officially diagnosed in January.

    My ex pain mngt dr. cut me off of Percocet after 8 years. I wanted to be off long before. I kept telling him I have pain and why did I still suffer? When my husband and I asked 3 years ago if I had fibro he scoffed at us. I tried medical marijuana, but the dispensary never had the strain I needed and it truly never helped. I’ve had many back surgeries including my last fusion which was a failed lumbar spinal fusion and then a hip replacement the next year. I’m now 53. I’ve also had an abusive childhood. Our daughter is moving out soon to another state to live with her loser bf bc she can’t take her brother. Our 22 yo son has major mental illnesses. He’s refusing to get help. He has outbursts daily. (Which I secretly record). We called the police on him the other week bc he constantly threatens suicide. He’s been smoking marijuana for years. We tell him he’s not allowed to smoke in our house, but he does. We don’t know what to do with him. He lied to the drs in the hospital saying it was just a misunderstanding. He does cut himself. He’s also a hoarder. Our son has become physical with me. He has at least 100lbs over me. I’m very thin. I’ve lost 50 lbs since coming off Percocet in the beginning of January. Both our kids will admit they’ve had a wonderful childhood. I made sure of that! I can’t tolerate the agonizing pain anymore. I speak with a wonderful psychologist once a week and have a psychiatrist managing my meds. I can no longer drive. I’m using a seated walker. I’m from the USA and our country is so divided. I am vegan so please don’t make fun of me. I really care about all animals. I went off FB bc the politics, horrible racism and people not wearing masks were effecting my mental health.
    #Fibromialgia
    #PTSD
    #Depression
    #Anxiety
    #Childhood abuse
    #Abusive and mentally ill son

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    #Anxiety ( @kittysoftpaws )

    It took me a long time to realize that this DOES also go for#Family members who are #Abusive . ( when possible )Avoid them. Cut them out of your life. Of course if they live in the same household, it's harder to avoid contact. But growing up in an abusive family, I pretty much stayed in my room behind a locked door. I agree wiyh the old saying ....."Better no company than bad company. "

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    Afraid my #BPD could ruin #relationship & idk how to go slow

    So, I have am seeing a guy whom I've known since for 16yrs. I left my husband who was #Abusive in every way in December 2018 3 days before I had a major 360 spinal fusion( I have severe #DegenerativeDiscDisease and severe #CyclicalVomiting Syndrome). Due to him not being a US citizen (I found out later that he was using me for citizenship along with my family's money), I had to postpone the divorce until he had permission to leave but during our separation, I reconnected with my friend last summer whom I'm seeing now and he was actually going through a very similar situation in that he was married for nearly 12yrs to an abusive woman & bc of how depressed he became bc of her abuse & lack of love, he became an #alcoholic & made bad decisions, he's sober now btw. He is currently in the process of divorcing her, they'd been separated for awhile, just as I am with my ex husband. we've both been very supportive of each other & admitted we had feelings for each other. He's moved back to my city sooner than expected bc some serious shit when down w/them while he'd been drinking & the neighbors called the cops so he was in jail for 2 days(she/neighbors have done this in the past & she accused him of hitting her while drunk but all those cases were dismissed as they were false claims) & he told me that all he could think of while in there was to get to me. Now, I was always respectful of their marriage bc he always mentioned how much he loved her & she finally agreed to couples therapy b4 they separated so I "friendzoned myself". He was already ready to leave her but another girl showed him attention, enough to give him more incentive to leave her, whereas I was respectful even though he liked me, i just didn't believe him. Once that girl found out that the papers were officially filed, she started ghosting him. I was there for him bc he felt used & stupid but was glad he finally left his wife & could come to me. Now that he's here, we spend nearly every day & night together. We slept together the first night & it was unexpected but I told him that I don't just have sex with just anyone anymore bc I've come a long way & I don't want to be a notch on his rebound belt. He said it wasn't like that & he cared about me & loved me more than just a friend but wasn't in love with me yet(I told him I felt the same), unlike the girl he slept with a month before & didn't really care about the girl who ghosted him. So though we're not in a relationship as we want to take things slow, we are sexually exclusive & don't even talk to other people. My ex husband said no one will ever truly love me nor want to be w/me bc of my health. I'd already had two guys decide not to be with me bc of my health. His words really damaged me & I have extreme abandonment https://issues.Bc of that & insecurities, I feel like I have to compete w/the ghost of the mother of his kids & the girl who ghosted him. those & my #BPD are pushing him away & idk how to stop pushing away/take things slow

    Question

    what was your red flag/signs for a toxic or #Abusive #relationship ?

    this may help others notice signs of a toxic or abusive relationship, that they may not see due to their mental illness!

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    Texts That Are Cruel

    I go a series of texts before Christmas from my brother. He came into town for a day in a half.

    We had a fight in March because he was in town for another day and a hal. I had to work and he had made plans for his one night here. I was very busy with work, plus I was exhausted and couldn’t make it work. I tried. He decided that I had deliberately made that choice and turned it into a problem.

    He reached out in August. I had told him to leave me alone as his texts to me were passive aggressive and abusive. Later I shared some of my feelings. He sent me a letter saying that he felt no desire to talk with me , but if I did, we could talk.

    when he came in before Christmas, I agreed to see him, but my son, his nephew was going to accompany me. He didn’t want him there. I agreed that he could go off for an hour. That wasn’t good enough. I had to agree to a longer time period and my son could not come at all. I did not refuse, but when I told him that I still planned to spend the day with my son, he decided we wouldn’t see each other. I got a series of texts the next morning that attacked me, including my diagnosis of PTSD.

    These are messing with my mind. #PTSD #Abusive texts #