Dear Doctors: Stop Writing Off My Pain Because of Mental Illness

I live in a place where health care is reasonably accessible. There are still issues that can be related to money, location, or availability of certain doctors. With all that in mind, I go to the doctor about the same amount as everyone else. I go for check-ups, vaccinations, or just general questions about my health.

Around sometime when I was in college, I started having significant abdominal pain. Sometimes to the point I had to lie down or step away from work. When it wasn’t shooting pain, it would feel as though I was carrying two dumbbells under my skin and right above my hips. My first and instant thought was there was something wrong with my ovaries. These pains got much worse when I had a period and I thought it would be reasonable to go to the gynecologist and ask her for her professional opinion. I specifically wanted to work with people who identified as female because I thought they may be more understanding of my pain as women themselves.

I was wrong.

I chose the gynecologist both my mom and my sister see, who both said she was considerate, understanding, and empathetic to the pain of her patients. When I got to the place and met her, my first impression was that she was nice. My opinion changed when I told her about the pain I was having. She took one look at my chart and asked me a question I dreaded hearing.

“I see you have a history of depression and anxiety, is that correct?”

(For the record, I did have a history of depression and anxiety from the age of 12 or 13 and was hospitalized in college for harmful behaviors and thoughts about myself.)

I paused for a moment. “What does that have to do with anything?” I thought.

“Yes, I do.” I said out loud. And that’s when it started.

She began to tell me how women “localize” their anxiety in the lower abdomen and all I needed to do was talk to my therapist, take my meds, and go home. She didn’t ask any more questions about my pain, but continued to pontificate about the importance of my mental health.

I felt shocked, but not surprised. This happens to millions of people around the world, whose pain is written off because a doctor saw their mental health diagnoses and made assumptions. I had to push hard to ask for some sort of test to see if there was something causing the pain, which she did eventually. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll schedule an ultrasound. Will that put you at ease?”

It did, but I left the office with the grim conclusion my doctor thought I was being “pushy” about getting a medically necessary diagnostic test. I ended up getting an ultrasound in which they found nothing concerning and which further panicked me. Why was I in pain? What was causing it? And, more importantly, why weren’t my doctors believing me?

The next step was to see a gastroenterologist. I saw one a few days ago, when he also asked me about my history of mental health issues. “Is there something that’s causing you a lot of stress? Family problems? Relationships? Studying for school?” he asked.

“I feel anxious my doctors don’t believe me when I say I’m in pain.” I quipped, mostly without thinking. This was a habit of mine to speak out my mind without thinking about it first. However, I didn’t regret it this time. I am in pain. No amount of breathing or aromatherapy or crystals will fix the real pain I’m experiencing. I need a doctor who will listen to me when I tell them I crawl into bed in the fetal position because of how much pain I’m in, which then contributes to my depression and anxiety. I’ve had enough.

I’m currently in the process of getting a second opinion. I don’t have particularly high hopes, but I am optimistic someone at some point might listen to me. In the meantime, I’ve been throwing myself into my work, my hobbies, and spending time with my loved ones. I cannot let these doctors discredit me, or anyone else for that matter. Whoever you are, you deserve to be treated well at the doctor’s office. You are entitled to worry about your health and hear the doctor say, “I’m sorry you are in pain. What can I do to help?”

Patients need doctors to listen to them when they’re in pain. Don’t write them off because of a mental health issue, their gender, their race, or anything else.

Listen, please.