As a parent, if you have experienced pleading to God for your child’s life or asking the unimaginable request (and often unmentionable because it holds a great amount of guilt and shame) for God to take your child home if it would be the best thing for them and would end their suffering, it changes who you are both as a parent and as a person. This kind of trauma and suffering rewires things down in your soul you thought would always be you. The way you process the constant information around you and the lens you use to filter that information towards your overall outlook on life.

I was speaking to a very close fellow mom of a medically complex child a while back and I remember this conversation after one of the hardest days I will ever experience in my life. On this day (and days to follow) I honestly prayed both of these prayers in the same breath because I wasn’t sure what would be best for my baby, but I knew God did. The surrender, grief, love and knowledge you have to embody to make these requests simultaneously is not something anyone would understand unless they have lived at least one of those moments. For us, we’ve lived many, and continue to live them.

Parents of medically complex children aren’t born with special capabilities or super powers. We are forged. God didn’t make us “special” or endow us with a skill set beyond your own. We were, and are, refined by the hottest fire so that we come out with enough change to endure for our children.

Did you know Gold is the most corrosion proof metal, but it’s also the most malleable. It is too soft to withstand the everyday stresses of wear so in the refinement process other metals are added in to give strength and durability. This is what we go through to be prepared to love, nurture, care for and advocate for our children. Honestly, I don’t even believe it is a one time event (my personal experience).

So the next time you see a parent of a medically complex child, don’t tell them how special they are or how God made them just for this, tell them:
I see you
I don’t know what you experience and I know I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I see you working so hard, and doing your best and you’re doing amazing job.

And maybe give them a gift card to get some coffee or a hot meal.

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