My schizophrenia is not really scary like paraniod schizophrenia. Its just i see the world differently, too far away from reaity.

i don't have visual hallucinations only auditory. But I have visual hallucinations when I was first diagnosed.

It feels like my delusions mimics reality.

Like when it was still 1st December that I heard about pets at risk of dying during fireworks and intense noise during welcoming a new year. I felt worried and I believed that my dogs will definitely die. I saw it in my mind they are dropping dead.

Voices keep telling me to tell the people around you not do noisy things and force the if I have to. They tell me hurtful things like you are a worthless owner, that it will always be my fault if my dogs die.

But I have this feeling that this is something wrong.

You may say that I have the advantage because I am a bit aware during delusions.

But it is the opposite.

I was so confused. Is this real or not?

It is the worst battle ever.

It's so exhausting. I think this is not a delusion but suddenly I think it is a delusion.

My mind then started to be fragmented and during that anomaly my brain suddenly put another "story plot" that causes another rabbit holes of delusions then produce another confusion.

And then when I shared it with my mother suddenly I snapped back to reality.

I realized that my dogs will gonna be okay. I look back and saw how exaggerated that delusion is about my dogs death. I was too far away from reality.......

Then back to the rabbit hole of delusions and end up confused again.

#Schizophrenia #MentalIllness #Delusions #distortedreality #Hallucinations #OCD