#BpDbeautifully #PTSD #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

I genuinely did not realise how poorly my mental health was until this time, 2012 is the year i lost a parent, my dad.

Born into #domesticvioulenceabuse gives you trauma from the womb.

Im working through the change of life, which in itself is an absolute smack in the gut.

My biological family came to me after the funeral, i had moved home so it wasn’t straight after, maybe a couple of years; they said they were worried about me and that they think i needed mental health support.

Im the youngest child, i was 42 at that time, my eldest sibling is 11 years my senior, then 9 years and finally the 3rd child is 4 years older than me.

Iv survived suicide of my children’s father, built myself back up, met someone new and got married, 20 years this year.

I took their advice, i went and got help, top and bottom of the situation is, after about 7 sessions of CBT therapy, i came to building my family trauma tree!

The Catalyst for everything, smack bang centre stage was my mum, really desperately sad. They couldn’t handle me, i was brutal and broken.

I walked away from my entire biological family, i have my husband and 3 amazing children, i had my 3rd child to my husband and she glued my little island (as i like to call us.)

Hardest toughest decision i made, i think it’s 5 years now and nothing, my mum refuses to have anything to do with me or my family.

She used to leave us behind when we were little, iv spent christmas eves hiding under bridges with my brother so our dad couldn’t find us, my 2 older brothers bore the brunt of dads DVA but mum, she had her jaws wired, that just gives you a little insight.

I wet the bed until i was 11 years of age, i couldn’t concentrate in school because i was always worried my mum would be dead or left us again.

Theres years of layered abuse, obviously i’m a survivor, but im not going to lie, it made me bitter, i was strong and i have stood on my own 2 feet from as far back as i can remember.

I will talk again soon, thanks for reading xhx #BpDbeautifully