Panic or paranoia?
I've had intrusive thoughts, paranoia, and anxiety since I found out last week that I have a call with corporate to go over my newsletter at work. My newsletter is how corporate gauges how well I'm doing my job. It includes a calendar of all the events I have planned for the month. As the activities coordinator, it's my job to make sure my residents have an adequate number of different events to choose from. They want to help me make it better. I know this. Yet, I find myself fixating on getting fired. I'm coming up with all the reasons they would let me go. Management says I have nothing to worry about as long as I do everything corporate tells me to do. This does nothing to quell my internal dialogue. Management said "humble yourself, don't make excuses and don't argue" but I find in my head that's all it plans to do. It's a self defense mechanism and it is a bad one to have. I am fully aware this isn't a big deal but I can't stop my mind from saying, "This is it. Your days are numbered". It doesn't help that the last 2 people in my position were fired for the exact same thing. At 6 months and 8 months. I am coming up on 6 months in this position. I don't know what to do to stop my mind from trying to look for a new job. I love this one. But I'm scared. Yes I am taking my meds. I'm starting to think it might be time to go up a dose. It's worked great right up until this incident triggered something in me.