Explaining

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× " My Sibling's Are Still Holding A Grudge Against Me For Experiening Life " × #PeopleAreJustPlanSad

× " So When I Was Little My Dad Died From Cancer... And My Mom Never Re-Married For The Sake Of My Older Twin Brother And Myself.. My Mom Had Four Heart Attack's Plus Major Surgerie's.. So I Didn't Have A Full Childhood.. I Only Experienced That When My Dad Was Alive At The Time.. Those Are The Only Best Cherished Memorie's.. That I Have.. It Was After My Dad Passed Away That I Alittle Girl Had To Give Up My Friend's And Going Outside.. To Start Taking Care Of Her And My Fully Disabled Twin... That Was Stressful.. And This Is Why I'm So Messed Up.. My Sibling's Think That I Had It Good No.. When I Turned A Teenager My Mother Didn't Allow Me To Work To Help Her... So I Stayed Taking Care Of Both Of Them.. My Sibling's Were NEVER Around They Were Too Busy With Thier Own Kids And Live's.. But Would Only Come To The Family Home.. To Get Money Out Of My Mom.. Or Family Gathering's... And Now That I'm Trying To Repair My Broken Self... They Bash Me For Getting Married To The Worng Person And For Having A Baby That I Lost..... They All Act Like They Are So Perfect.. New's Flash No One Is Perfect... Not Even Me.. I Was 18 When I Left And Lived My Life With Struggle's.. Homelessness... Losse's... And I'm Now Re Doing It Again.. I Get Nasty Text From My Older Brother.. Because My Sister Tattle Tale's On Me For Not Applying For Disability Etc. I Have A Full-Time Job What More Do You Want From Me.. They View Me As Lazy.. For Getting Day's Off.. I Don't Ask For Anything From My Boss.. Unless I'm In Extreme Pain And Sleepy... I Don't Say Anything When They All In This House Spend So Much Of Thier Income's On Amazon Everyday... But Love To Yell Me For Buying Something For Myself... " × #venting #Explaining ☆▪︎S.K. ▪︎☆

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#Explaining BPD, & Chronic Pain to lay friends & family

I can not explain how my BPD Chronic Pain, & Obstructive Sleep Apnea effect me. The interaction of these ailments & my medications are manyfold & difficult to analyse.

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How do I explain it? #Hobby #Explaining

So everyone who knows me, knows that I always loved drawing. But because of depression I pushed this hobby away because whenever I try to draw it feels like my arm is broken, like I don't reach the goal I wanted and it feels like a job without enjoyment and that stops me from drawing even if I want to draw.
And because of this whenever someone sees my older works, they start asking why don't you just draw something, maybe it will help you? And every time I say I just can't... How do I explain to people that every time I want to do it, thousands of thoughts that says it's meaningless start ringing inside my head and it just feels empty even if I do it... Today a friend asked me that question about drawing again, so atleast this time I said imagine that in your sport, you broke your arm get a cast on it and can't lift any weights. But someone still asks why right now you aren't lifting any weights? And this questions repeats itself time and time again. That's how it feels for me.... So thanks to him that he understood it... But how do I explain to people why I'm not drawing, without looking like I want to bote their heads off? Because I'm so tired of questions like that.

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#Explaining trying to put in to words how I feel at work

Used this piece I wrote to try and explain my work struggles.

Mental health

Whilst outwardly I can usually look pretty happy apart from the days where my face tells you to approach with caution to the extent you are probably to scared to start a conversation anyway.

To the days where at 6am in the morning I’m literally levitating around work singing badly probably the wrong words to any song that has ever been written.

But the days when I’m neither, the days where I’m not up and not down but a strange place in between where I’m not happy and not sad. Being happy or sad are the easy times that I’ve learnt to cope with in my own unique way. When I’m happy or sad I know exactly where I am and expertly manage my outward appearance to you all so you don’t see how broken I am inside.

The days in between throw me off, these are the days the world doesn’t matter, I don’t matter, no one matters. These are the days the panic attacks creep up on me and make me dizzy and light headed. The physical manifestations of mental illness that are harder to hide.

So this is when I usually have to do the thing I hate most and ask for help the days where I probably look the most sane, the days I’m not withdrawn and quiet the days I’m not euphoric or floating on air. Because these are the days I need a arm round my shoulder, when I need someone to ask “are you ok?”

I suppose what I’m saying is that mental health to someone who deals with it day in day out is probably equally as scary to them as it is to someone who wants to help but doesn’t know how.

The obvious signs mania, euphoria, depression and self harm are always clear to see as they stand out so easily.

But it’s the quiet days, the total lack of interest in thing, the can’t be bothered days where we are crying out for help but don’t know how to ask are the days we need our family, friends and work colleagues to ask us most.

End