venting

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    It’s hard living as a nonbinary individual… and just trans | TW misgendering, gendered phrases/products, fetishism, lack of recognition/representation

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    This is going to be a long vent.. so I apologize.

    I thought that my preferred clinic had a nonbinary option, but I remembered that it was only on one of their forms. The other form said “m or f” so I just put nonbinary on top of it (which was the only form I was given).

    It just plain sucks. For example, earlier this year, I forced myself to change my gender marker to Male on my ID since I despise being seen as female, but even though I’m transmasc, it’s still not satisfactory. And while being there, I was misgendered as a woman a ton. 😒

    We have to freaking wait for 3 more freaking years for a gender neutral marker in the US, and I’m so sick of waiting for that long already!

    Shopping online sucks, too. Today, I was so mad that computer glasses were gendered. They’re freaking computer glasses!! And I still like some feminine stuff and being androgynous but hate that everything feminine is labeled “for ladies”. And although I know that clothes don’t equal gender, seeing those “women/girls” and “men/women” labels still trigger my dysphoria. And you may say “well, there are markets out there who make clothes gender neutral and aim for inclusiveness for those outside the binary”, but 1) most of them cost too much money that I don’t want to spend and we’re not rich, and 2) they’re not really my style of clothing.

    And I hate when companies (or anything/anyone) say or put options for those out of the gender binary, but then don’t use gender neutral language at all, like “mom/dad” or the worst one, “ladies and gentlemen”… Like we don’t just want to be included in gender options, but in everyday language, too! Especially if someone’s interested in specific topics like bdsm and doesn’t want to be freaking fetishized for being trans like come on 🙄

    I’m not a freaking fetish.

    Anyway, this is the reason why I may appear anti-social and why I have my headphones on whenever I go outside. That and I tried to not made being nonbinary not do obvious, but no. Since from being misgendered a lot no matter what I freaking look like, I’ve had it and now my hat, mask, and patches clearly state that I’m nonbinary and to not call me miss, ma’am, or she. So that those who can read can see it very obviously. My social dysphoria is that bad.

    Having to put up with this almost everyday is so tiring and annoying and just… ugh.

    #nonbinary #genderqueer #GenderDysphoria #LGBTQIA #venting #itsucks #SocialAnxiety #Autism

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    ¿ " Jealousy At It's Finest At Work... " ? #venting #AnUpdate

    ¡ " Hey There, Mighty Peep's... Well I Have Been Working Alot More Hour's Than Usual... As Of Late.. Today Was An Extremely Busy One.. And I Have Another Girl Co-worker That Has Now Been Talking Behind My Back... She Does Not Like Me One Bit... Meh! TBH I Can Careless.. I'm There To Make My Money.. Not To Be Friend's With Petty Little Girl's.. This One Girl Get's On My Case For The Dumbest Thing's... And She Goe's Around Telling My Co-worker's And My Bosse's That I Don't Do Enough And That I Do Everything Worng. According To Her. Mind You She's "NOT A BOSS " She's An Employee... My General Manager Has Gotten Mad At Her For Bossying Me Around. And She's Been Talking Bad About Me Non-Stop To Customer's. Like I Can't Win With Anyone. Whatever They Keep Calling Me When Nobody Else Want's To Work. Anyway's This Girl Think's That She Can Order Me Around Guess Again No... I Don't Talk To Anyone Of My Co-worker's Only A Few Word's... I Talk To My Bosse's Because They Need Thing's Done. This Chick Need's To Back Off Me. Or My Bosse's Will Be Losing A Valuable Worker In Me... All Because Of Petty Children That I Work With.. Throwing Tantrum's .. " ¡ #AnUpdate #venting ☆▪︎☆ SKADI ☆▪︎☆

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    This is torture | TW anger, dysphoria, some all cap text, fleas, empty inside #venting

    Not like anyone cares, why am I writing this??
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    Every time someone who I’m not that familiar with comes here, it’s torture. I have to stay in my room all day or else I try too hard to pass as masculine every freaking time I come out of my room, just so I won’t be called “she” or “miss” or “girl” (it’s a horrible feeling). But now I feel like I’m STILL not passing because I’m already feeling so horrible because of the flea problem that I APPARENTLY SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE IN MY ROOM AND NO ONE ELSE’S and now I lack the energy because I’m so furious. We can’t afford a veterinarian for our cat, either.

    And the whole someone coming over and fixing things is supposed to happen for the next 2 days as well.
    So that’s fun. (/sarc /neg)
    And I already feel empty inside just from today.

    And it’s going to be up to 74 degrees the days after that, which usually I would be excited for, but honestly the whole bug thing has gotten me so sick and tired of these nice days that I just want it to be cold already! (Not like it will kill the fleas anyway, I’m so freaking mad about learning that 😡😡)

    #sad #Autism #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GenderDysphoria #anger #empty #fml

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    ♤ " Feeling Very Missunderstood On So Many Level's... " ♤ #WhyCan 'tPeopleLeaveMeAlone

    ° " So I Worked Today... And I Get Home And Get Like 6 Text's From My Sister In Austin... Asking If I Called SSA Yet.... Like Tbh I Don't Care Anymore The B.S. On Apply Is Joke... She's Been Hounding Me Because She Must Think That My Ex's New Wife Might To Entitled To His SSA Now... I Guess.. The Loser Has 2 Ex-Wive's.. He Now Has A New One... I Work My Butt Off What's The Big Deal. Well I Don't Want To STOP Working Just To Get Chump Change Off Of Some Ex's SSA. My Whole Family Act's Greedy When Money Is Involved. IDK Why But This Has Ruined The Rest Of My Night. TAKE CARE... ☆▪︎☆SKADI ☆▪︎☆ #venting

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    I’m so disgusted /vneg | TW mentions of r*pe (a), some all caps text, swearing | #venting

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    I stand with rape survivors (what heartless someone wouldn’t?!) and I have something to say.

    If you seriously blame any, and I mean ANY, victim who has been raped for being raped, you are a horrible disgusting piece of shit and do not interact with me. This pisses me off so much and I cannot BELIEVE that this has to be addressed. This society fucking sucks, what is wrong with folks these days?!??

    This seriously makes me want to throw my phone across the room 😡😡😡

    /vneg /vsrs /vu

    #stopblamingrapevictims #Pissed #anger #societysucks #mentalhealthmatters

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    I need to vent...

    I'm trying to find the words to express the way that I'm feeling, but the problem is that I have a lot to say. Talking things out didn't make me feel any better. I know that everyone processes things differently and I am no exception. But, something about this just doesn't sit right within my inner self. While talking to my mom's husband last night about everything that happened over the years, I felt a deep anger instead of a release from everything that was said. I guess what I'm trying to say is, my inner self is asking," why now?" I'm wondering if I've reached the point of what my old therapist was saying about finally getting the validation that you wanted and when you finally get it, you don't want it. That's the thing that is confusing me at this moment. It's the discomfort knowing that everything up to this point was built on a level of dysfunction and yet trying to find some form of stability. I'm aware that I'm not healed from the Old Wounds of my family situation, and I probably may never will be, but I think what bothers me the most is that throughout these almost 20 years every issue that was brought up seems to be forgotten about or muddled in the mix of everything that people tend to forget that there is just certain things that died just so that they can protect the image. And I never forgot any of it, which almost makes me seem like I'm the one who has been the downer. I don't expect anyone, not even my mother, to understand the discomfort that I feel every moment that I roam this home. I don't expect my mother to understand how just being in his presence makes me nauseous. But I can never look at him in the eye because I have no respect for him as a man. What would I break my mother's heart the most is that I do not have any love or compassion for this man and I never grew to love him as she did. And that is the most heartbreaking Secret of all of this. To be brutally honest, I wouldn't mind if any of this fell apart. I wouldn't mind my parents being separated, even though it hurt before. I find myself in a different place than I was a few months ago. Or even a few years ago. I can learn to forgive, but there's so much hurt that is just so pointed that just can't be erased. It got to a point where he changed my whole thinking of the world, relationships, men, and myself as a woman in this world. I do feel lost and at times I feel like I have nothing to lose. It's just really confusing to try to heal in an environment that made me sick. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #venting

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    Sometimes… | TW slightly suicidal, mentions of guns, one swear #venting

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    Sometimes.. this house makes me want to die. I just want to be away from it already. Even if it’s just my older sister disagreeing with my decisions regarding garbage bags… I’m only throwing the garbage out often to keep flies and gnats away. I’m only tying them to keep them away. And for my mental health. To this freaking day, she still has a problem with it, and it’s very annoying, and honestly - it hurts 😕

    I’m so sick of being anxious over hearing her kids - um - “teasing” - and annoying each other.

    Not to mention the fact that because of my mother’s anxiety about the Illinois bonding law (when in reality, me and my dad knew that it wasn’t going to be as bad as it seemed - psa: please do your own research and don’t listen to others), she may or may not get the liscence to get a gun a few months from now. She already took the legal classes. She may not even get the gun in the first place, but it still feels very icky and uncomfortable and I don’t want my friends or partners (plural) being here dealing with that shit.

    Things would be so much better if we weren’t living here right now.

    I just want to be out of here already… it’s been three freaking years since we’ve planned to move out… but I hope it’ll be faster, especially after Dad heard about what Mom was doing. He doesn’t feel safe with me regarding her decision, and neither do I.

    #SuicidalIdeation #helpme #Stress #Anxiety #Autism #frustrated

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    A sucky Saturday | TW some caps #venting

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    I just want to get the flu shot and get it over with already.

    Last weekend, the bus took too long (more than 50 minutes) to come so we had to reschedule to today. However, when we got there (took almost an hour to get there btw), they said that no flu shots weren’t in stock (how???) EVEN THOUGH they said NOTHING about it on their website 😒

    We almost tried Walgreens, which I had massive anxiety because of past experiences, CONSTANTLY being misgendered because they didn’t want to change my freaking information in their system at first.. but they required appointments (of course).

    I just want to take it already to get it over with and to not worry about possibly being misgendered when it comes, but it can’t be next weekend because of personal reasons. I honestly want to cry. So in conclusion, life sucks.

    #Lifesucks #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Stress

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    I hate these words. Posting this again because a comment said all three of those words uncensored. Please censor them or don’t say them at all /vsrs

    Because of what happened, I deleted the last post. I am very sad and probably about to have an anxiety attack because of them being mentioned several times today (apart from here). I’m serious. Please censor them or don’t say any of them at all in the comments. #venting

    Why can’t I have a good day??

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    I hate these words

    • c*v*d-19 (o, i) or c*r*na (o, o)
    • p*nd*m*c (a, e, i)
    • q**rint*ne (ua, i)

    Of course, I have more words that I hate.
    But those three. It’s not fun or funny. Whenever I run into it, it either makes me sad or uncomfortable, or even angry. It just one reference to the uncensored words that can make me feel so down so easily. Idk why I’m even posting this, I doubt that anyone’s going to care

    Also, please normalize trigger warnings.

    #stress #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #PleasePutTriggerWarnings #normalizetriggerwarnings

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    Can I just have one good day? | TW one cap, few swear, minor suicidal thoughts #venting

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    Can I please just have ONE good day without something or someone stressing me out?! One?! God, this week has been shit. And what’s coming up this weekend isn’t going to make it any better. God, I hate weekends.

    If this keeps up, I’m just better off dead honestly because I’m so fucking sick of this crap.

    #anger #stressed #SuicidalThoughts #done #sickofit #Autism