facing

Over the last 2 Saturdays going to umpiring has helped me to face # fear, fear of a person who 3 yrs ago threatened me with assault that # triggered my anxiety and left me in # fear for my physical and emotional health. I was # anxious leading up to the game to the point where i informed him and others that a single threat of violence towards me would result in the game ending # police being called n him charged. On the previous occasion when he threatened me i umpired the games he was part of and when i got home i ended up in # the foetal position in a corner in my bedroom. Now we have spoken and although unrepentant he knows where the line ends.
Yesterday took me back to my rookie days as an umpire some #23 yrs ago. The game constantly broke out into melees, scuffles and acts unbecoming of the modern era. To say my # anxiety escalated quickly at times is an understatement. This was rubbish i hadn't dealt with in a fair while. I had little to zero help from my colleague because he wasnt able to run much. I let both clubs know that # the game and those involved were a disgrace and that i was absolutely # disgusted and # furious that i had to have eyes in the back of my head and my head on a swivel. If this is the style of play returning from over a decade ago then clubs, coaches and players shouldnt b allowed the # privilege of competitive sport. Over the past 24 hrs i have contemplated emailing both clubs and voicing by disgust n anger in a written document. The saving grace Was because of my experience i could control it better than a teenager or rookie adult who would have been left severely traumatised. I hope and pray that it a long time b4 i c n deal with this again

The most volatile emotion I face about once a month and it lasts about 3 or 4 days, is FEAR. It starts with a scary thought, like :'how am I going to pay my bills next month?' Or, feeling like I'm this huge failure, and then thinking 'I'll be alone for the rest of my life, and I don't want to share my fears with anyone because I don't trust anyone. These things all back up in the back of my mind, no matter how I try to ignore them and fear becomes terror. But eventually, I become so worn out from fear 'adrenaline ' and usually, after a good night's sleep, my sense of safety returns and I'm grateful that I survived another crisis, even though I had to go through it alone. #Being alone#facing the fear