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Guide to being a SURVIVOR!

#ChildhoodAbuse #abandonment #Rape #terror #Depression ….

When I was a small child, my father #Abandoned me without a goodbye. Mother had #Manic depression, and we were left poverty stricken. My clothes were holey, #filthy and #Hunger was a constant.
I lived in #terror being 6 yrs old, alone and subjected to constant #Abuse by strangers in my house.
I knew I had 2 choices #fight or #Die if I was going to win the ring of #Horror that had become my life. I chose to fight, to do what I needed to do, just to buy a pair of shoes. I had none. To cut a long story short, I want whoever is reading this to know that no matter how horrible, #Terrifying your life is right now? Take back your #courage , and #fight for what you want.
I’ve done more than #survive severe #Childhood trauma, I’m a #MentalIllness survivor too. I’ve excelled on my own, through my determination to get out of the hell hole I was in: like: meeting and hugging Nelson Mandela. Raising money for victims of crime, importing and exporting art and furniture, travelling to most of the countries in the world, making friends and connections on my own. owning my many businesses, and selling them for profit. Studying and being qualified in the science of the addicted, mentally Ill brain. Qualifying as a mental illness and addiction counsellor, raising 3 kids who’re well balanced and happy .
I’m now a YouTube influencer, my channel focuses on mental illnesses. Now, I’m teaming with MIND uk, to raise money for the mentally ill people who can’t work.

You are a survivor, you’re a magical, strong, brave, fabulous person.
Go for whatever you want, because you can. You can, no matter what ‘they’ did or said.
Do it! Your life is yours. Please take it back.
I’m with you.

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Helpful Words? #Beauty #terror #Hope #strength # #salvation #keep #Going

Maybe these words have been posted on already? If so, here they are again.

Keep going everyone 😊

"Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Really struggling

Just really need support. This is the first time since Covid started that I'm genuinely terrified I have it. I'm getting a test at 3pm today. I'm doing the best I can to stay calm. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Whether I have it or not, I'm not doing well. I'm really not doing well. I feel isolated and alone. I don't know who to trust. And normally, I'd go visit friends in my time of need. But of course, that's not safe. Not right now. I'm exhausted. And I'm exhausted from worry. I did talk to a friend on the phone this morning. That helped quite a bit. But I feel trapped. Trapped and terrified. Terrified of all the things I can't control. I'm spinning. But I'm breathing. I'm practicing my breathing. I'm resting. My body hurts. So much. I've been in an internal battle my whole life. And I'm exhausted. I'm so tired. And I just want safety. Safety. Safety. Safety. I'm trying. I'm trying to create safety in my life. Externally, I've come a long way. I'm safer than I was. But my inner world is still so upsetting. And I'm discombobulated. Unsure what's true and what's a lie. I need to focus on facts. What I know is true. It's true that I'm an adult... even though I don't feel like one. It's true I have resources now that I didn't have as a child. It's true I've learned a lot and come a long way. But the rage! The rage! It's so strong within me. Rage at the teauma! Rage at my past! Rage at my present. Sigh. Radical acceptance. I know. I must radically accept where I am. I am where I am. This is my best right now. And it's beyond painful. 😭 #Confusion #Fear #terror #Pain #BPD #alone #Splitting #Rage #Trauma

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morning terrors #Anxiety depression #alone

I open my eyes and I feel like I'm falling into a crater in,the earth's crust. my heart is shredded. I pray to feel better. then I pray to just be okay with not being ok. that seems to help. it's ok to not be ok. it's ok to not be ok. it's ok to not be ok... #CPTSD #alone #terror

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Fear Eats The Soul

I just had a student write his reflection paper on this piece and I’ve never identified more with a student. While it is inappropriate to do, I have the urge to hug him and say “me too. I understand. I see you.”

Rirkrit Tiravanija. Fear Eats the Soul. 2018.

#Fear #PTSD #Anxiety #PanicAttack #PanicDisorder #terror #iseeyou #Understanding

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This isn’t jubilant.


#CheerMeOn I can’t be courageous any longer when confronting depression. Confrontation isn’t even the appropriate word because I can’t get in front of it! The awareness that none admires my courage any longer has subjugated the courage and obliterated it, and its absence has culminated in despair at the notion of having thrived upon that laudation before. Only Kierkegaard’s Fear, Trembling and Dread obtain— #terror #dread #SicknessUntoDeath

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Feeling the Fear#Fear #terror #Anxiety

The most volatile emotion I face about once a month and it lasts about 3 or 4 days, is FEAR. It starts with a scary thought, like :'how am I going to pay my bills next month?' Or, feeling like I'm this huge failure, and then thinking 'I'll be alone for the rest of my life, and I don't want to share my fears with anyone because I don't trust anyone. These things all back up in the back of my mind, no matter how I try to ignore them and fear becomes terror. But eventually, I become so worn out from fear 'adrenaline ' and usually, after a good night's sleep, my sense of safety returns and I'm grateful that I survived another crisis, even though I had to go through it alone. #Being alone#facing the fear