Keeping as simple as I can, and I very rarely can. I'm trying though. I had one near death experience out of the 5 times I died. At my own hand. Varying types blood pressure pills up to 80. Critical care for days then ICU for another 7. That was my second attempt since an assault, 5 weeks earlier, on me that caused facial, eye, and head trauma and loss of my vehicle. It's what followed that is much worse. My dad shot in chest but ruled suicide?!!!!! No way.....But my own mom and remaining siblings took my inheritance. I just can't fight for my 25%. I've never recuperated those past 2 months of others fighting for my life. Hundred labs a day. It was a miracle I lived. Physically very sick though still. Mentally not good either. They sold all my belongings treasures, memories. Me and my son's are torn apart though we have fought since homelessness since December. I miss talking to my mom . Miss my dad. But my near death experience changed some things for me. I don't get to die really. Not lights out forever. I just get to blink a few seconds and damn I'm still aware. I am wearing down fast. We have to leave this awful RV we've lived in, 2 days ago though we paid to stay here. I have no way to do anything. When it feels like the end , what do you do to find hope? # overwhelmed #Grief #AfterSuicideLoss #SuicideSurvivor #healthissues #familybetrayal