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What's left? I've tried it all

Keeping as simple as I can, and I very rarely can. I'm trying though. I had one near death experience out of the 5 times I died. At my own hand. Varying types blood pressure pills up to 80. Critical care for days then ICU for another 7. That was my second attempt since an assault, 5 weeks earlier, on me that caused facial, eye, and head trauma and loss of my vehicle. It's what followed that is much worse. My dad shot in chest but ruled suicide?!!!!! No way.....But my own mom and remaining siblings took my inheritance. I just can't fight for my 25%. I've never recuperated those past 2 months of others fighting for my life. Hundred labs a day. It was a miracle I lived. Physically very sick though still. Mentally not good either. They sold all my belongings treasures, memories. Me and my son's are torn apart though we have fought since homelessness since December. I miss talking to my mom . Miss my dad. But my near death experience changed some things for me. I don't get to die really. Not lights out forever. I just get to blink a few seconds and damn I'm still aware. I am wearing down fast. We have to leave this awful RV we've lived in, 2 days ago though we paid to stay here. I have no way to do anything. When it feels like the end , what do you do to find hope? # overwhelmed #Grief #AfterSuicideLoss #SuicideSurvivor #healthissues #familybetrayal

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My Story

Hello! My name is Sarisha and I’m 19. I’ve had health issues since I was born. I have several severe food allergies, asthma, eczema, ADHD, depression and anxiety. For over a year, I’ve been struggling with an undiagnosed neurological issue. I’m in constant pain and I’m always tired. My body has been weakened so much and none of my tests are showing anything. I’ve been going from specialist to specialist and I’m doing more tests that lead no where. Most recently, I think I’ve started having seizures but I don’t know for sure and neither do my doctors so I’m just anxious and scared all the time.
#Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #Undiagnosed #healthissues

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Community Voices

Another health issue

Life just keeps getting better....*not*. This week i was at work and thought i was having a stroke. Indigestion, vomiting, rapid heart rate, and the entire left side of my face stopped moving. I go into the ER Tuesday morning and the doctors (who had NO bedside manor whatsoever. I hate going to this er but it's the closest one so oh well) and they tell me I have Bell's Palsy. Which is terrifying since it presents as a stroke. I'm on steroids and antiviral meds but so far nothing is helping. They said it was caused by either a viral infection or the inflammation of a nerve in my face, they have no idea which. They also gave me no timeframe for how long this will last. In the meantime I can hardly eat, can only drink through a straw, can't speak clearly, and my eye wont shut all the way so its burning and dry and blurry all the time. I'm so miserable. This is literally the last thing i needed. Because i cant see and my eyes are burning i havent hardly worked this week. And now I'm at risk of losing my job bc of my health issues. They said if i cant perform the duties of the job (after i literally just got promoted again at the end of october) they'll have to talk to the higher ups and figure out what to do. They have accommodated me (not a lot but a little here and there) but they said that they can't anymore. I'm so afraid I'll lose my job. I applied for disability again so we'll see. And as if i didnt hate my face enough lol now half of it doesnt move. I'm totally miserable and i cant catch a break it seems. Thanks for listening though....
#Depression #healthissues #BellsPalsy #help #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia

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Community Voices

Am I the problem?

Is it me? I have been through a lot. Personally, professionally, and health wise.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: health issues, anxiety, death, suicidal threats, miscarriage, cancer scare

Back Story:
I have been with my husband since 2007. We got married in 2015.

Here’s a small break down of what I’ve been through:

Lyme Disease (2013-2015)
POTS (2014-2015)
• Opening a business w/ my husband (2016)
• Death of my maternal grandmother (2017)
• Death of my paternal grandmother (2017)
• Closing a business w/ my husband (2017)
• My mom’s death (2018)
• Emergency surgery due to a kidney stone which actually prevented me from saying goodbye to my mom (2018)
• My dad’s 1st suicide attempt (2018)
• I started a new career (2018)
• I had a miscarriage (2019)
• 3 more kidney procedures (2019)
• I had a cancer scare (2019)
• My dad’s 2nd suicide attempt (2019)
• Miscarriage 2 (2019)
• I currently have cysts on my spleen (2020)
• I currently have a sliding hiatal hernia (2020)
• and just a smattering of other issues ranging from personal to professional to health in between.

I’ll admit I haven’t been perfect through this. I’ve developed health anxiety and general anxiety as a result of all the stress. I can be overwhelmed and distracted. I don’t always use my best tone when speaking during times of stress. I have switched to survival mode. I can do better. I’m trying to do better.

Saddly, my husband is no longer sure if he wants to be with me. He states I’m not longer fun or enjoyable to be around. He told me that I’m all “doom and gloom” and that perhaps we are wrong for one another, but all the constant drama distracted us from the fact we shouldn’t be together.

In my opinion, he treats me like a burden. If a health issue does arise on my end he do not help. He simply slips into his office and avoids me until I sort it out alone. I feel like he shuts down on me if I mention a problem. I’m hesitant to even speak to him because I’m worried it will either disappoint him or turn into a fight.

He has his own downfalls. Since we met he has always displayed some characteristics of being selfish and lacking empathy. We were young and I assumed these traits would develop with age and experience. Plus, he always uses really harsh words during an argument and “goes for the throat” so-to-speak.

I’m working on myself. I see a couslor. I’m working on my axiety, my coping skills, and a number of toxic traits I possess. I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken. I’m trying for me and for my relationship.

I feel my husband should work on himself too, but he states that staying with me while I learn to change my behavior is how he is “making an effort”. That statement hurt because it made me feel like I’m the only one to blame.

So, I have to ask....is it me? Did these events in my life make me unbearable to be around? Am I the only one who needs work? How can I do better?
#Relationships #healthissues #Advice #AdviceWelcome

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